billie eilish mental health imagines

consumed by exhaustion

a/n: you are billie's best friend in this, it is also an age regression chapter

today had been exhausting, what with rehearsals for the school play and me attempting to get some studying done for my upcoming exams.

so, needing some time to myself, i made my way towards the common room, hopeful that peace might find its way to me if i rested.

of course i couldn't be certain that it would be completely silent in there as, although it usually was, sometimes it was crowded and overwhelming loud.

however my body was craving the rest and my mind was so consumed by fears that i noticed a fuzziness entering my mind.

there was no hiding the fact that i was succumbing to a mental age younger than my current one, yet i held on to the hope that i could make it there in time.

my shaking hand reached into my pocket, desperately needing some support and hoping that the person i craved would be free this period.

______
bilsy:

please tell me you fee

where are you?

common room

coming

_____

i allowed a shaky sigh to escape my lips as i pushed open the door and made my way to my favourite corner, hoping to feel somewhat safer there.

my mind was already becoming hazy, struggling to cope with the sheer level of demands that school had brought to me recently.

everyone knew how hard i tried to make sure that i kept ontop of my grades whilst also accepting every opportunity that i could, yet i always seemed to fail.

i fell behind often, forcing me to spend many nights studying or rehearsing lines just so i could be on top form and no one would notice the slip.

however one person always knew when something was wrong and she wouldn't allow me to continue pushing when i was failing to take care of myself.

billie had been pestering me all week with questions about how i was doing or what steps i'd taken to make things easier for myself, most of which i'd managed to avoid.

although there was no denying the fact that we both knew the truth and i certainly wasn't coping in the way that i was pretending to.

i felt myself begin to chew on my sleeve, needing any relief from the anxiety that was becoming to spread throughout my body.

"hey." billie spoke softly, scaring me slightly.

my eyes darted up to her, hoping that she might sense the overwhelming crushing sensation that was now resting on my chest.

however, much to my surprise, billie awaited my words, clearly needing confirmation about what was happening before she acted.

"i have so much i need to get done, i can't do it all. i'm going to fail." i muttered, tears threatening to spill from my eyes.

there was no denying that i had to be overly cautious about the words that i was choosing to say as, although i felt okay, my ability to speak was slipping.

"you don't need to get it all done, do you? you want to get it done because you're scared of turning into the failure you think you are." billie spoke firmly.

it was clear that her words were only coming from a place of care, yet i felt so vulnerable when she shed the mask from my face so easily.

so, noting that her confrontational approach was making it far harder for me to avoid the fuzziness in my mind, i found myself being silenced.

of course there was an internal battle occurring within my mind, however it was quickly becoming the least of my worries.

"hey talk to me, what's wrong?" billie questioned, her eyebrows furrowing at my sudden inability to communicate to her.

my arms outstretched infront of me, begging for her to hold me as i couldn't trust that my voice wouldn't embarrass me infront of my peers.

"come here sweetheart." she spoke, her voice remaining quiet as to avoid startling me.

i felt my body instantly attaching itself to billie's, needing the security of her arms wrapping around my body to allow me to slip further.

billie began to hum lightly, clearly wanting to soothe me as she'd noticed how worked up i was becoming with the fear of being noticed.

"i sowy." i whispered, my voice breaking.

her head shook as if to deny my apology, as though i shouldn't have been sorry for the trait that seemed embarrassing to me.

"you have nothing to be sorry for my love, sometimes your brain needs a break and that's okay." she reassured me.

i couldn't help but nod in response, struggling to understand some of the bigger words she was using as i was noticing the fuzziness consuming my mind.

my thumb slipped within my parted lips secretly, allowing me to receive some comfort as my mind was becoming too exhausted to work.

"wans go home." i muttered, noticing how heavy my eyes were becoming.

billie didn't need to be told twice, scooping me up so that my head was buried within her neck and hidden from the view of those around us.

"let's get you home to bed angel, you must be exhausted." she spoke softly.

i only managed to nod in response as she moved us out into the hallway, barely able to keep my eyes open as the movement was soothing.

my hands gripped tightly onto her for support, begging her to remain as close to me as possible as i feared for what would happen if she left.

"you're okay sweetheart, i'm just taking you to my car." she reassured me, tightening her grip to back up what she had told me.

i could feel my eyes closing, desperately seeking an never ending slumber as the exhaustion of the past week was now catching up to me.

safety was within reach now and my body was clearly aware of that as darkness took control of my eyes, leaving my heavy body resting on billie.

"i've got you, you're safe now." she whispered, placing a light kiss on my forehead.

_____
a/n:

i know this isn't very long but i'm gonna try and keep my chapters shorter for a little while whilst i get back into writing

unsurprisingly i will probably write more of these when i gain some more motivation and figure out some more things to write about

i hope this is okay for now

i love you all!!