billie eilish mental health imagines

home-bound

part three to heaven-bound

"please don't make me go home billie, i don't want to go home!" i begged as my fingers tapped lightly on my thigh.

it was clear to anyone that i was uncomfortable with the way that found myself feeling after billie had suggested leaving.

the idea of facing my mom was something that i truly couldn't even think about without it making my skin crawl in a way that caused me to shudder.

my mom wasn't the understanding type, especially not when it came to anything involving my mental
health, so i tried not to bother her.

she would never understand why i'd run or she'd already lecture me in some way, without listening to what i had to say first.

every single time we spoke, we'd argue and she'd eventually decide that she would need to send me away.

"no baby, you don't need to go home. you can come back to mine, mom would love to see you again." billie told me, her tone remaining soft.

maggie wants to see me?
what would she think of me?
would billie tell her?
would she even recognise me?

i wasn't sure why it came as a shock to me that billie would even suggest allowing me to go back to her home, especially when i'd blanked her for so long.

however i still wasn't sure whether it would be a good decision to make as i didn't believe that social interaction was the best way forward.

truthfully, i was hopeful that i might find some peace in the vow of silence that i made to myself, yet that wasn't the case.

maybe i should hang out with billie?
maybe that's the best place for me to be right now?
i suppose a couple of hours can't hurt, right?

after a short mental battle, i came to the conclusion that it would be best to go to billie's for a while as it was a much safer option than going home.

"okay..." i mumbled, still unsure of whether i'd made the right decision.

billie squealed excitably, clearly pleased that i'd accepted her offer without being dulled by the lack of enthusiasm that i was showing.

she guided me towards her car, making sure that her grip was firm but also not too tight to the point where i'd feel in danger.

what will maggie think of me?
she hasn't seen me in so long.
will she even remember me?
will she even care about me?
will she even want me in her home?

i began to play with the skin on my fingers as i was unable to remove the thoughts from my mind, i no longer felt comfortably going with billie.

"what's bothering you baby?" she questioned, noticing i'd stopped moving.

my shoulders lifted before dropping, unable to express how i was feeling through my words.

although, under the surface, i knew exactly what was bothering me and the only way to fix that feeling was by never going home or anywhere.