𝙃𝙊𝙒 𝙏𝙊 𝘽𝙀 𝘼 𝙎𝙀𝘾𝙍𝙀𝙏 𝘼𝘿𝙈𝙄𝙍𝙀𝙍 // 𝙖𝙠𝙖𝙖𝙨𝙝𝙞 𝙠.

14.

akaashi wasn't having writer's block. he knew how writers block felt, and it wasn't that. he had so many ideas that his brain couldn't hold them all, so he had to write short sentences to make room for the next one. he could sit and write all day and night and still not run out of ideas.

but all of them felt so not enough all of a sudden.

none of the sentences, verses, or poems felt good enough to be the next piece he'd dedicate to yn. 

after seeing how much they meant to yn, he couldn't accept anything that didn't make his own heart bleed while writing. it needed to be something more. more personal, more intimate, just more.

'i need a break.'

for someone who overthinks, akaashi was extremely self-aware of his own thoughts. he knew he couldn't force himself to write.

what was the point of romantic poems if they were based on force rather than feelings? 

doing something else was an easy way for him to clear his mind. his first choice was always to cook something, and now that he hadn't eaten anything since breakfast, it was the ideal plan.

he was set on ramen because nothing beats a warm bowl of broth with noodles and meat on a cold winter's day. kenma hadn't left his room yet, judging by the lack of dirty dishes in the dishwasher, so akaashi decided to start with a larger portion. and add more vegetables than he intended at first, he had plenty of them in his diet, but kenma could use an extra portion.

akaashi was in the middle of chopping carrots when his phone's screen lit up, drawing his attention. the last thing he expected to find on it was a call from yn.

he immediately wiped his hands and picked up the phone.

"hello?"

his first thought was that someone had written a poem for yn in the same format as him and left it in the same location as he had, and now yn was calling him to help her get it.

and then it came up to him that leaving something as valuable as his poetry in a visible location might not be a good idea. it was supposed to be just for her, so why did he put it first in the newspaper and then in the middle of campus?

but where else could he leave them? he couldn't slide them under her doors, he'd be terrified if someone did that to him, no matter how romantic the poem was, it was creepy, and he had no idea where yn lived. he couldn't put it in her bag because they weren't in high school anymore, and no one left their bags in a classroom for the entire day and went about their business. that was a no, and he would hate it if someone did that to him as well. just the thought of someone touching his belongings without his knowledge sent shivers down his spine.

"hi, 'kaashi," she said, drawing his attention away from his thoughts. she always called him 'kaashi', as bokuto did the first time they met, and it always made him breathe faster. "do you remember when i told you at the bar about atsumu? my friend, who is about to be bokuto's teammate?

"yes," he replied, with a hum of agreement before it.

"so i was home for the weekend and i talked with atsumu, and he will come here, to tokyo for the next weekend, and i already talked with bokuto and kuroo that we should meet at the bar, and i told kuroo to invite you, and kenma if he's up to it, atsumu's pretty loud, so i don't know if he'll be kenma's cup of tea, though- anyway, kuroo told me to invite you myself, since i already have your number, so, yeah, that's what i'm doing right now," she said with a giggle that seemed almost nervous, but it was probably from how she was circling around the topic and explaining it overly, instead of just straight up inviting him.

akaashi cursed kuroo and his meddling. he was worried that the next time kuroo tried to bring them closer together, he'd say something too suspicious, causing yn to connect the dots and figure out why kuroo was doing so.

he still didn't know how he wanted to end the situation, or what he would do if yn found out on her own.

"when?" he asked, turning down the pot of boiling water where he planned to put the noodles. noodles can wait.

"saturday, probably afternoon, early evening, around 7pm maybe?"

"sure, i'll be there."

"awesome," she said, her voice showing that she was smiling. "could you ask kenma if he wants to come along? just in case kuroo forgets to ask him."

"yes, of course," he said, nodding to himself.

"awesome, thank you."

and akaashi knew it was time to say their goodbyes and 'see you on saturday's', but he couldn't stop himself from jumping to another topic.

"bo mysterious poems to get from the bulletin board for now?" he asked, chuckling slightly.

he tried to ignore how just moments ago he cursed kuroo for bringing up the possibility of yn connecting that topic with him, and now he was the one asking directly about it.

"bo," she said, laughing. "i feel like everyone around me is way more impatient about it than me."

"you don't look forward to the next one?" he asked, leaning against the counter with a slight smile on his face.

"i do, but i try not to, you know, there's no way to know when the next one will show up, right? and i realized that whenever i really want something, it won't come to me no matter what i do, so i'm tryin' something new: patience and believing that things will come to me when the time is right."

akaashi had always admired yn's ability to express her emotions so easily. they weren't even that close, and she just answered at him, as if it were the most natural thing for her to share her feelings. he truly admired that quality in her, and it was probably one of the first things he noticed about her after spending some days watching her around their mutual friends for the past two years, which made his mind linger even more on her person.

"that's..." he began, taking a deep breath and trying to figure out how to say it without sounding like he had spent hours thinking about it.

"silly?" she offered.

"no, i think it's a healthy conclusion to come to," he said, unaware that it made yn feel understood for the first time by someone who wasn't her best friend.

every time she tried to tell someone from her classes or just around campus, when they started talking about how exciting it was to wait for the next poem, that she wasn't waiting, they looked at her as if she was ungrateful or uninterested. she was grateful, but she didn't want to do it to herself again, expecting and then being disappointed, as she had done before.

"oh."

"if one way to getting something does not work, trying another rather than beating yourself up over the first is healthy. letting go is a mature skill to have," he said, trying to explain himself following yn's reaction.

"thank you, 'kaashi. that's very sweet, you're sweet," she said.

and akaashi felt himself blush to the tip of his ears.

𐙚˙⋆.🧸•₊✧⋆˚✒️｡⋆ᡣ𐭩