Love and Hate| Natasha Romanoff

26. NO

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NATASHA'S POV: 

Fuck. 

It's been three hours on the jet, from New York to Budapest. I've still got a shit ton to go and I don't think I'll be able to stop thinking of her. I fell asleep for half an hour, and dreamt of her, more specifically, her leaving me. 

This happened years ago, why is so pissy about it? I'll admit, I guess I wouldn't want to know who she used to sleep with, and the fact that they were guys can make it confusing, but bisexuals exist! I don't know if I should be understanding, confused, mad, or just... forget about it. Three months, we'll be away and we left on such a bad note. What's stopping her from going out, sleeping with anyone else. She already thinks our relationship is fake, what if she does something because she thinks I'll sleep with Steve or Tony. What if- 

"Natasha!" The sound of Steve's worried voice finally brings me back from my inner turmoil. 

"Sorry... yeah?" Although I responded, I was still pretty out of it, despite being able to hear what's going on around me again, I couldn't bring myself to stop staring into space. 

"Are you okay?" His voice was soft, concerned, friendly, making me feel bad about having this all go down with him in the middle. 

"I think I hate her again." My eyebrows furrowed as I said it, not really sure if I meant it but knowing that there was at least some truth in those words. 

"Come on, let's be reasonable... she's your girlfriend." He sat next to me and placed his hand on my back. "You two seem great lately, she's managed to get you so comfortable around anyone that you let your guard down for her." 

"And look where that got me Steve." I sighed as I began to fight the knot in my throat, trying to keep it from unraveling. "Just the accusations are... breaking me. I don't know what to do, Steve. I've never loved anyone. I had this one thing with this girl in the Red Room but, obviously it wasn't allowed, and the sneaking around didn't work for us. My feelings for her never went past a deep care. But with Y/N... I love her so much that it physically hurts sometimes and I don't know why." 

I didn't even notice that I had in fact started crying until Steve wiped my tears. I took a deep and shaky breath before standing up and putting my act back on, wiping the remaining tears and clearing my throat. 

"Nat, come on, sit down. It helps to talk." Steve tried, but not very hard knowing that feelings aren't something I do, not until lately I guess. 

"I don't talk." I walked away and walked to the bathroom of the jet, locking myself in there before silently sobbing.

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Y/N'S POV: 

I came back to her room after training, beginning to sob. I regret every word and accusation. Three months, she could die, and my last words were pretty much telling her to go fuck someone else. We never discussed contact, so I'm not even sure if I'll be hearing from her in the next few months. That thought only making me sob even harder. As much as the thought hurt, I knew not trying would hurt more. 

I picked up my phone and let my thumb hover over her contact, the hesitation really taking over. I took a deep breath and pressed the cull button, putting the phone up to my ear. 

Ring...

Ring...

Ring...

Ring...