MY WAY - Amelia's Daughter

13. The sun

Uncle mark: hey kid do you want to come meet me at the daycare I'm about to get Coop

Me: sure i'll head up now

    I stepped out of the elevator into the floor of the daycare. "There you are!" He grinned seeing me, cooper on his hip. "Hi!" I smiled back.

Once we got home I just laid in bed staring at the celling for the longest time. I didn't have any desire to do anything so there I laid.

    I snapped out of it hearing my phone. I was getting a call.

    "Hello?" I answered "hey Moe are you still okay?" My aunt asked "yeah I'm fine" I assured. "Okay I'm getting pulled in on a brain bleed so I probably won't be there for a while but I can pass it off if you need me to" she offered "no I'm fine, I'm probably just going to take a nap" I explained. I know shed be here if she could "all right sweetheart I'll see you in a few hours, please text if you need something" she requested "I will"

    I fell asleep pretty quickly but something was wrong. I realized I was on the beach again. It was that same stupid dream.

"Hey smiley!" He laughed walking towards me "hey uncle derek" I said trying to smile but I was getting a sickening feeling in my stomach.

"How's your mama?" He asked "not great i just don't know what to do anymore I can't help her if i can't even help myself" I sighed

    "Well you're trying when things aren't meant to multiply they add up, your good Morgan, you're so good, you were a gift from god. He knew your mother needed you. Don't waste your life Moe, you're going to go far"

    "But i just can't do it anymore. There's been so much pressure since youve been gone"

    "I know Morgan and I wish i could still be there for you, for Meredith, more my kids, for your mom. I love you all so much there's nothing I wouldn't do to have stayed with you guys."

"I know uncle Derek i love you so much youve always been the best to me"

    "Trust me Moe, you're as good as they come I was lucky to have had you"

    "But what if I don't everyone's making me seem so much bigger than I am. I'm just 14. Im still a kid."

    "But Moe you're not. You're not like the other kids, never have been. Your nit a star your the sun but the sun is also a star."

    "You really were the loss of my life Uncle Derek"

    "I know Moe, try to take it easy now"

    "Why would god do this we should have had more time. We needed more time"

    "Sometimes god works in mysterious ways but there had to have been a reason, like there was a reason we were in each others life"

    "I know i was only in a quarter of your life but for me you were my entire life"

    "Trust me Morgan you were so much more than that. You guys meant so much to me. I know at the end I was distracted by my work but you guys were still my everything I need you to know that, I need you all to know that"

    "I know I do" I said by then tears were rolling down my cheeks "you need to promise me youll try to stay off drugs, listen to your aunt Lexie she's going to get you through the next few years, and make sure Meredith knows it's not her fault, promise me that" He waited "I promise" I swore interlocking pinkies and just then I woke up.

    But this time I was all alone. I thought about calling Lex but I knew she was in surgery. I thought about calling Mark but he wouldn't understand, I thought about calling my mom, hell I even thought about calling my dad even though I knew I never could.

    I know I very well could be crazy or psychotic or something for having these dreams but I also want to believe it was really Derek.

    Losing him was my crisis of faith. After that day it took a very very long time to find trust in god again, or to even believe he was really out there. But it eventually all came back to me once the dreams began.

Aunt lexie 🤍🤍: on my way home now xx

    Ive never felt so much relief in a sentence. But
then again I also didn't want to bother her.

    "Hey baby" Lexie said walking into my room "I think I need to see Lauren again" I said flatly. "What why?" She asked "I think I'm having trouble coping with all this shit."

    Lauren was the therapist I saw right after Dereks passing. She was supposed to help with the grief, and that she did.

    "Well I mean I think I can make that happen but would you be okay if it was someone else instead?" She asked "yes I just don't know what to do" I cried "it's okay sweetheart everything will be fine" she comforted pulling me in. Holy fuck I miss my mommy