A Life Full of Loss #1

Chapter 14

The next morning I awoke to a bucket of cold water being poured onto my head, I shot out of my now drenched bed. My wet clothes are sticking to my malnourished body. I found the two culprits laughing, it was no other than Lennon, and Ambrose. "God, now they're two of you," I muttered falling back into my wet bed, water splashing as my body fell.

The boys laughed again before exiting my room. Thank god they're gone. Just as I snuggled back under the warm blankets to escape the cold, dewy air a very mean annoying voice yelled out, "Wake up now Anastasia Mia Ferrari, or so god help me I will beat you with my slipper." Typical Scarlet there was only one right answer to her threat, "Have some coffee Scar, then we will talk." She muttered curses under her breath before flipping me off and making her way down the stairs.

Anastasia Mia Ferrari, I have a last name, a family, a legacy, and I will let nothing stop me. Except getting out of bed.

Grudgingly I made my way out of bed, goose bumps hitting my bare skin. I wish tattoos provided warmth because then I would never be cold. My skin is covered in intricate tattoos that cover my arms, legs, chest, and back. I have my assassin and royal tattoos, tattoos that cover my scars, matching tattoos with the friend group and my twins, as well as a date on my collarbone that always reminds me of what I lost.

My hand rubs over the tattoo without my order, a reminder she is always there even though not present with me. Sighing I made my way to my closet to get dressed. I slithered out of my soaking clothes throwing them into a hamper before changing into a crop top and jean shorts.

After I changed I made my way to the kitchen. Everyone was already awake and eating. I sat down and laid my head on the table, nauseous from the smell of food.

Me and food have a hateful relationship, when we were stuck with him we didn't eat much, so when we got out we barely ate, and had weak and small stomachs. Whenever I eat I feel the urge to vomit, so I chose to stay away from food causing me to be underweight and malnourished, I made sure to eat at least once every few days so I didn't die or anything like that.

After everyone finished eating we planned out the day. Me and my twins had work. I was going to try to hack and get the lost camera footage while my brothers had to take care over politics and money issues for their countries. After work I was going to visit my babies at the safe house, before we all went clubbing that night, because Leons was back in business.

"Okay im off to work I will see you in a few hours," I excused myself kissing my mother on her forehead before taking the glass of wine from her hand and pouring it down the sink. "No more," I said.

She looked at me like I was crazy. "What the hell do you mean no more?" She yelled. "I said what I said. No. More. As in none. No more drinking," I punctuated. "But I need it," her eyes started to water.

"Trust me when I say that you don't need alcohol or drugs, they only worsen the pain you are feeling. Your problems won't get better unless you do something about it. Hundreds of people say the same things you say, how they 'need it' almost all of those people who don't get sober are dead right now. People stop all the time. It will be hard, trust me, you'll feel worse for a while, but then you feel alive. Trust me that feeling you feel is not joy or freedom, alcohol is a bandaid that isn't strong enough to heal the wounds but strong enough to break you. Alcohol is a cage that contains you trapped you from grieving and doing the things you love. I stopped, I became clean and I'm so much better. You don't need it, I used to use that same excuse. You don't need the high or the daze, you need to heal. And we will be here for you every step of the way," I smiled, even though tears were running down both of our faces.

"I survived it, so can you mom," I said with a sad smile on my face before pulling my mother into my arms. The hands that were behind her back I used to sigh to Elijah who was patiently waiting, 'remove all that alcohol from the house' he nodded and began to grab the bottles.