Life Ends At You

15. Bird Uncaged

Navi's POV

And when he lifted my chin. Looking into his eyes I felt like a caged bird that he was trying his best to teach how to fly. But I am too scared to even step out of this cage. But a part of me denied letting him down. 

"I don't know what to say......."  I looked up at him and for the first time I saw hopelessness in his determined free eyes. He is not a caged bird like me. He knows his worth. And he knows he belongs to the sky where I deny to even step out. 

My mom surely is the sole reason of all my trauma but a part of denied hating her. Coz wherever I am it is all because of her. Yeah, she could have abandoned me as my dad did. She raised me yeah, she did but only financially. I can't count the number of times she called me a mistake, abnormal or unusual. Just coz my parents decided to be separated. I am abnormal. Just coz my father went to jail. I am a criminal. My slightest mistake was compared to my dad.

She flexed everything like she is doing a favor to me by raising me. Like I am liability to her. I was bind with responsibilities and restrictions coz I am unusual. I need to prove myself or I will be disowned by my own mom, society and everyone like I was disowned by my dad. If I don't follow my mom, she will throw me out of house like a trash I am. 

I was not loved. My grades were loved. I was never appreciated my achievements were. And whenever I fell. I was treated like a trash. And with time I realized a mother's love is also conditional. Even a mother can hate her own kid. And a father can abandon his own daughter. Love can never be unconditional in rea life. Hate is.

He squeezed my hand lightly and I came out of my world. The hope in his eyes was pushing me to get up and shout out everything on my mind. 

My mom entered the room. Advik got up and I followed. I hastily wiped all my tears and took a deep breath. 

"Do you think aise rone se mai tumhe permission de dungi apni izzat se khelne ki?"

"And do you think aise control karne se mai aapko apni life se khelne dungi? Kab tak mere life decision leti rahegi aap? I am mature enough to decide for myself." I shouted in rage and my mom's lips parted open as she looked at me. 

"What do you mean, Mai tumhari life ke sath khel rahi hu? Just tell me kon shaadi karega tumse uss trash ko adopt karne ke baad." 

"Mom he isn't a trash. And I don't need a man to live my life. I am independent and I earn enough. And a man who can't raise a kid doesn't even deserve me...."

"Kehna asaan hai. You are just brainwashed by this man. Ask him if he would marry you after adopting that kid?" Mom shouted looking at both of us. Adi squeezed my hand gently. 

"I will.... I will marry her for sure. if she wants to........?" He looked at me mushing in a calm tone. My mom swayed her head in disbelief. 

"Will your family accept this?" She again raised eyebrow at Adi. 

"They not only will accept but treat the kid as their own blood or even better than that, I can promise that. And I will make sure she gets all the love her parents couldn't provide her with......." He uttered and tension heightened in the air. I gasped for air. 

As my mom shouted, "Who told she wasn't loved?" 

"2-month hospital mei thi woh. Ek baar bhi milne aayi aap? She was on verge of death, pata bhi tha apko ya sunke ignore kar dia? If you really cared for her your first priority would be your daughter and not your pride or society. If you loved and understood her, she wouldn't have been seeking that understanding in therapists." He mushed as my mom' mouth shut. But how does he know I was seeking therapy? I never told him. How?

"What therapy?" My mom took few steps towards him.

"She has been depressed for around 20 years. Childhood trauma with emotional abuse and negligence. You might have provided her financially, but you forgot her mental needs. You forgot to grant her freedom."

"Kis chiz ka depression hai yeh? I have been through worse than her. I was never depressed. I never needed therapy. What does she need therapy for? She is just seeking attention." My mom blazed. Her guts to say I am just seeking attention. 

"Attention chahie hota toh kab ka bata dia hota nah. I need freedom. You drain me. No matter how much I explain myself. No matter how worthy I prove myself. You will never accept your me for who I am. ..... You will never accept your mistakes. " I uttered as my eyes welled up again. How could she not see my depression? But she could see every negative trait in me. My self-esteem dug through ground every day I spent with her. And the abusive words she used for me. I wiped my silent tears over and over and gasped for air. Adi took my hand again.

"I will find a man for myself. You don't need to worry about it. I can take decision for myself. And for all the money you spent on me, I will pay each and every penny."

"Do you think you can ever pay me back? Never ever......" 

And before I could say anything. Adi held my hand and took a step ahead. 

"If the problem is about who will marry her, I will. And I promise I will protect her and her smile at the cost of my life. And about paying you back. Here is the cheque." He uttered signing a blank cheque and handing it to her. My mother's mouth opens up wide. 

"Who are you?" She finally asked. 

"Advik Ahraya." And her mouth stuttered open before he could say anything else.

"And what makes you think, your family will accept her? And with that kid. There isn't anyway..."

"I promise you; my family will be even happier than me to see her. They have seen her pictures on my walls and in my wallet even years later. They very well know how much she means to me. And I very well know they will never choose their pride over my happiness." 

"What do you mean? How long have you known her?"

"17 years. I have known her since last 17 years." He uttered looking deep into her eyes and she flinched a little. 

"So you are that kid? Adi?"  She stuttered. 

"Ji sasu maa." He nodded with a sheepish smile. My mother looked at me with a different look this time and gestured me to go to room. And Adi noded with a smile. I took tenative steps into the room. But I could hear each and every word from my room like I always did. All those 18 years of my life.

"I very well understand your concern for your daughter." He uttered in a tone as it was nothing but another formality.

"But I promise I will protect her at the cost of my life. I can both die and kill for her smile.....And rest for my family. You don't have to worry about it. They are themselves looking for her since all these 17 years." He added and took a deep breathe maybe controlling his frustration. 

"And rest for your money, here." He said probably handing her a blank cheque as he added. "But I won't bear another tear from her eye. I don't believe in a 2nd chance. So please be careful with your words next time."

"I want to meet your family."  My mom's voice echoed. 

"Sure, you can. Umm I guess Holi is around the corner. I will send you the invitation. Looking forward to meeting you there." He uttered as footsteps approached. My mom's son. Her own son. Not a mistake or a burden like me. His heartwarming giggles filled the room. He has been comfort zone since he was born. Though he is just 12 yet. 

Footsteps approached to my room and I sat on bed quietly. Adi pushed the already half opened the door.

"How do you feel now?" He leaned a little. And I rose from bed instantly.

"It feels better....." I retorted back. As he held my hand and headed out of room leaving. But stopping  right beside my mom with a smirk., "I will consider it your last mistake with mt to be wife.... Take care of yourself and your son. I need you to see how a queen is raised and treated." 

The smirk on his face almost made me chuckle but I was feeling a little guilty. A little free. A little happy. A little light headed. As if a weight was lifted off my chest that has been suffocating me since years.