doomsday. [ yellowjackets ]

quarante-huit.

xxx.

chapter quarante-huit.
chapter forty eight.

1996.

xxx.

        Tara's arms were wrapped around the tops of her knees as she sat in the boiled water, steam rising from the surface, yet her body still felt cold. Her face was reddened, her nose by the icy water she had been submerged in, but her eyes from the harsh tears that had left her and came back many times within the past hour or so. Her fingers were starting to wrinkle, but she didn't want to get out no matter how much time passed. She couldn't go back out there and see their faces again. The faces of murderers, who let an innocent child die so they could live another day.

        Did they deserve to live after that?

         To Tara, Jackie was different. She was already dead, they didn't hunt her, they didn't draw cards to choose her as a sacrifice, and they didn't watch her suffocate and drown. She closed her eyes, pressing her face closer against her arm as she saw flashes of Javi's flailing hands and the terrified look of panic in his eyes. The feeling of the water splashing on her face and hands felt a lot like blood when she remembered it.

         She had tried so hard to keep him safe, over herself, over Travis, over Natalie. She thought ensuring which card he drew would save him, let him live for another day, too. She couldn't stop thinking about if that had gone another way; if Travis didn't stop Shauna, if Javi and Tara didn't run after Natalie to try to stop her. They should've been selfish, and let it happen.

        " Tara? " A voice softly called, reminding the blonde that Alex was still in the room. She stood behind her and used a t-shirt to dry her mass of hair, trying to soak as much of the cold water from it as she could. When she didn't respond, Alex let out a silent exhale, squeezing the shirt and letting the water drip into the tub before she moved to kneel beside her, " Hey. This fucking sucks, I know that, but if you shutdown next, it'll make you the easiest target in the aftermath. "

         " It more than sucks, Alex. " Tara responded with a sharp breath, turning her head an inch to look at the other girl from her peripherals. She saw a certain expression come across her face and shifted; she knew Alex had experienced something similar with Jackie. It wasn't exact, but it held the same feeling of hopelessness, of betrayal, of loneliness. She was probably the closest to understanding she was going to get, even Travis would be too blinded by the grieving of his baby brother to share Tara's sentiments.

        Alex said nothing back, just holding Tara's eyes before the blonde turned her head back forward, and, within seconds, her face contorted and she started to cry into her elbow again. Alex frowned sympathetically, gently patting her back as if that would offer her any sort of comfort.

        Tara was so still in the water despite her shaking cries, and that was how she knew that the sounds of frantic splashing she heard were not real. At least, not in that moment. It was the same case for the blubbering, the gasping for air, pleading for help, the sound of drowning that would soon become easily recognizable for her.

        " I rigged the cards for him. He wasn't supposed to die, he should've been the last person to die. " Tara admitted as she sniffled, pinching her nose and keeping her eyes closed as she leaned her forehead against her hand. Alex squeezed her shoulder, and she took it as encouragement to keep talking. The blonde met her eyes with a very serious look hardened on her tear streaked face, and it was perhaps the first time Alex had ever seen Tara genuinely angry.