|My heart weighs heavy while all the excuses I made for you echoes in our empty home|
.
.
.
I don't want to live forever //
Cause I'm wondering if I dodge a bullet or just lost the love of my life.
The truth is I know the answer - it was an illusion I made to fool myself of love.
My love, your memory is forever stored in the farthest depths of my wounds - tainted by your own actions in the aftermath.
And even then I tried protecting something I thought and believed to be holy.
Now I wonder if we lay awake at the same time, in the same moment. Do you love the way you hurt me, mon cherie? Am I drug that keeps your tremor in place?
Did you look me in the eye just to see tears fall from it? I cried my heart out to our love, hoping - fucking wishing, that maybe it was enough.
I gave you excuses and you gave me anguish. Now I have to live the rest of my life going on with a part of my soul that still lives with you.
...
Jisoo Kim stared blankly at the computer screen in front of her.
COLLEGE APPLICATIONS
It says.
She sighs before starting to fill up the forms.
"Clean slate"
Jisoo felt her heart break for a completely different reason as she clicks submit, she wonders how Lisa and Jennie will manage college without her and before she could stop herself a wave of anger washes over her but it was quick to leave and be replaced with empty sadness.
.
.
.
"So you really went through with it" Lisa says with faux toughness
"Are you gonna miss me?" Jisoo jokes but Lisa's face was set in stone
"I'm gonna miss you" The thai eventually answers, "Will you be okay?" Lisa asks, her voice breaking betraying her frosty facial expression
"I have so start somewhere, right?"
"And you decided you wanted to start in another continent?"
Jisoo rolls her eyes, "I'll be fine"
"You better be" Lisa threatens, "I'm only letting you go cause Jennie said we get to visit you during the break"
Jisoo laughs at her bestfriend - it was hollow and short.
"Can't believe you're transferring colleges" Lisa sighs
"We've been over this a million times already" Jisoo groans
She knows Lisa was trying her best to be supportive of her decision. She's trading the cold and bustling streets of Seoul, South Korea to the conrete jungle of New York.
"Are you..." Lisa hesitates her lips pressing together in a thin line wondering if she should ask. "Are you gonna tell, Chaeyoung?"
Jisoo's heart quickens but in a different way that it did a few months ago. A few months ago her heart would pick up its pace at the thought of Chaeyoung - was it love? Jisoo wasn't sure.
but now, she's sure that whenever she hears Chaeyoung's name it wasn't love when her heart constricts in her chest. It was the anxiety of ghost of their relationship haunting her.
"I don't think so" Jisoo answers
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.
.
When their professor have finally dismissed their class, Jisoo was quick to pack her things and ready to bolt home and rest but the universe had other plans.
"You're leaving?"
Chaeyoung had waited for Jisoo outside - like a cheetah waiting to ambush a gazelle.
Jisoo wanted to walk away, to ignore the girl and leave but her feet wouldn't move.
"Yes" is what Jisoo says before turning to leave
"Why?" Chaeyoung asks making Jisoo stop in her tracks
"Why?" Jisoo repeats, her thoughts clouded with a thousand reasons her heart hammering with a dozen emotions hitting her at the same time
She turns back to face Chaeyoung.
"You're the reason"
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.
.
Someone can love you and want you dead.
A/N: I think I'm so sad I sucked at writing sad stories. HAHHAHAHA I hope everyone is doing great tho!
Love is risking bits and pieces of your sanity :)) Enjoy reading (even tho I will admit this one sucks)
xx
