|sometimes the hardest goodbyes
are the ones where the love still lingers,
it is just not strong enough to keep
two people together|
...
A modern house in a suburban neighborhood with the white picket fence or an apartment that overlooks the city - weekends spent watching movies lazing around, painting, dancing, singing, messing around - being happy around each other.
Jisoo stood outside the hospital building, her hands shaking - everyone is already upstairs in her room. She stares at her shoes - trying to focus on anything but the ache in her heart but her thoughts always ends up with her
She focused on the dirty white color of her favorite sneakers, how long it belonged to her, just how many dates it witnessed, how many rains she had to run away from
"Jisoo!" Chaeyoung shrieked as the rain starts to drop more faster and harder
"Run!" Jisoo grabs the blonde's hands as she drags her to the nearest shelter she can see
They were a dripping mess as soon as they reached the bus shed - Jisoo hated getting wet but she was smiling right now because Chaeyoung was laughing uncontrollably
Jisoo was pulled off her thoughts when she hears Jennie creeping behind her, hands shoved inside her jacket, eyes puffy red.
"Hey" the cat eyed girl says
"Hey" Jisoo says her voice shaking as well
"You can cry you know?"
"I know"
"Are you coming up?" Jennie asks
"Yeah - just give me a minute, I don't want her to see me like this"
"Okay" Jennie leaves her be and Jisoo just stares at her shoes for a few more minutes
Whether it was big time lawyer and the hotshot CEO - or a Defense attorney in a small neighborhood and a store manager. Mondays to Fridays from 6am to 4pm are filled with nothing but work but also cute messages in between meetings, coming home with a kiss on the lips and making and eating dinner together - it was warm. It was everything.
Jisoo opens the hospital room door slowly - all eyes divert to her while hers stay with the person on the bed. They all left to give her some time with Chaeyoung who was looking at her with glassy eyes
"Thought you wouldn't made it" she jokes
"I wouldn't miss this for the world" Jisoo says, she gives her a sad smile
"I'm sorry" Chaeyoung says, and Jisoo stood there motionless right at the side of the bed, "-I'm gonna miss you so much"
Jisoo swallowed the lump on her throat as she pulls a chair and holds Chaeyoung's hands, "I'm still hoping"
"Jisoo..."
"Let me have this" she pleads, "I have loved you more than I can ever think I can" Jisoo kisses her hands, tears streaming down her face
"I will love you for the rest of my life" Chaeyoung says - like a promised whispered in the wind
"And I'll love you for the rest of yours" Jisoo says, she sobbed quietly and Chaeyoung caressed her hair like she always does
She had this speech in her head but all of those are out of the window as she can't find her voice - her life, her future withering away
"You know" Chaeyoung says barely containing her own tears, "One day you will look at this moment and laugh"
Jisoo tries to glare at her but the puffy red eyes and tear stained face kinda ruined the whole vibe of the glare, Chaeyoung wanted to understand Jisoo but she couldn't - they we're both in pain.
It wasn't just the inevitable loss of life that was painful - it was the years they were robbed, moments they can treasure, memories that can forever be embedded in their minds. It was also the lost of the a friend, a person she wanted a future with.
Just a few meters away from the crying couple, just outside the hospital door are their friends and family - wondering what was harder - to die and not get the future you always envisioned or to live and be reminded everyday that you can never have the future you always wanted.
It wasn't like they were still in high school and they were just star crossed lovers but what they have - it was a product of time, from being neighbors to being inseparable friends to middle school buddies and high school sweet hearts to college lovers and now - Jisoo is already making a name in the business industry while Chaeyoung is just waiting for the result of the bar
"I want to go a lawyer" she says to Jisoo one time and holding her tears at that moment is probably the hardest thing she ever have to do
Life was cruel and there was a ring of truth in that because right when things are getting to the good part life takes away what makes life good in the first place - Jisoo remembered the first time she had heard the doctor tell her about Chaeyoung's condition - she can't remember what was worse finding out that the love of your life is dying or that she was dying because her body was not responding to treatment
It felt like a punch in the gut that a lot of people have gotten over their cancer but Chaeyoung was getting weaker by the day - and it was heartbreaking to see her wither in front of her
Jisoo smiles despite herself, "I wish we had more time"
"I don't wish for impossible things" Chaeyoung says because even to her last breath she would never wish for impossible things and Jisoo rolls her eyes in feign annoyance
"I just wish you find the happiness you deserve"
"But I did" Jisoo reasons, another lump forming in her throat - this time she willed herself not to cry, "I don't know how-" Jisoo takes a shaky breath, "-I don't... I can't - live" she couldn't stop the tears
"it's okay" Chaeyoung tries - it wasn't - none of it was okay
"I can't-" Jisoo sobbed a little harder, "Everyday would just be a reminder of you - of the future without you - of what could've been but would never be"
As sad as it was not everyone gets their happy ending - the what if's and maybe's of life is what makes it more precious because we know we can lose someone we never thought we would.
A/N: sorry :< I wanna write something hurtful AHAHHAHA sorry Chaeyoung :) Enjoy though!
