You stood outside your old home's door, freezing your ass off.
But you couldn't do it.
And this happened every year.
The first year back, it took you over an hour to knock on the door, but as the years went on, it got easier, and now, it shouldn't take more than ten minutes. But it's been fifteen at least. It wasn't because your spinners have gotten worse or the fact that a gorgeous assassin was behind you, off to the side a bit to give you some space or even the fact that today marks the tenth anniversary of Lewis' death.
Okay, maybe it was all of it.
"You're cold." You whispered, squeezing your eyes shut as you bowed your head, scrunching your face up, and knowing she was shivering behind you.
"I'm not." She lied, but you knew she'd die on that hill if you fought her about it.
You thought about your dad – the man you never knew, and it made you sad. Lewis told you all he could growing up, but he was three when he passed, so it wasn't much. All he remembered was that your dad loved giving his family hugs and keeping you guys close and would always laugh and cheer whenever something good happened – even if it was small. Lewis always told you that whenever you saw a dog, your face brought him right back to his third birthday party, some of it was on video or in pictures, when he tried to blow out the candles and your dad looked so happy.
Part of your close bond with your brother was because he owned a piece of your dad's heart that you'd never get to possess or hold. Your dad loved Lewis, but he never even got the chance to meet you. Your mom all but refused to talk about him and whenever she did, it'd take her right back to that awful day when she lost him, so you never pried, even after Lewis.
You missed your brother every day and the pain never left, it just stood to the side while you tried to move on and live your life, showing up at times when you'd least expect it. Or when you did expect it. Randomly or not, it was there, always present, and coming back to this house was like you lost him for the first time all over again.
"I'm going to knock." You promised quietly and she stepped up to your side.
"I know you are." She shrugged, her hands stuffed into her pockets, and you side glanced her with red rimmed eyes to match your red nose, but she only smiled softly back at you.
"Can you do it?" You whispered after a long moment, looking back to the door, and she didn't say anything, just reached forward and made a fist before hitting it against the wood a few times.
You closed your eyes at the noise and didn't open them until the locked clicked, the doorknob turning a second later.
"Sweetie." Your mom gave you a shaky smile and it was clear she had been crying just moments before, but you gave her a tight smile back, not acknowledging it.
"Hey, mom, this is my..." You gestured to Natasha, "This is my friend, Natasha."
"Lovely to meet you, Natasha," She smiled and before the redhead could respond, she was waving you both in, "Come in, come in, you girls must be freezing."
You both stepped inside, and you steered Natasha towards the living room because without fail, your mother always had a tray with tea and cakes on the coffee table whenever someone came by – the fancier dishes when it was someone new.
"Wow, mom," You smirked sarcastically, "Expecting the Queen of England to stop by or something?"
Natasha just stood nearby, a bit awkwardly even though she didn't seem to think so and watched as you both interacted for a minute.
