You miss your mom. There's no denying it, she's your family and at the very core of everything, she loves you too. You've both made some hard choices along the way, made mistakes, and fought till you were out of breath, but you've cried, and you've screamed at her because not very deep down, you still care.
Of course, you care. You could've thrown this house and her out of your mind years ago, maybe your spinners would've been much fewer and far between, but you didn't. And you didn't because you couldn't leave her alone, especially since Lewis would never want you to, so you stuck around as much as you could. You tried to come back a few times a year, but your spinners and night terrors were always the worst here, so you stuck to once a year, around the holidays. Just a few days to check up on her and make sure everything was going alright, suffer through a few days of your mind playing tricks on you and then get out before it sucked you in again. You could do it, you have for seven years and you'll do it for as long as you're able.
Because you love your mom and you loved Lewis and you wish you could've met your dad.
Because you love him too.
"Hey," Natasha's voice snapped you out of your thoughts and she was standing by your side, so you raised your eyebrows questioningly before she quietly told you, "I've been calling you for a while now, didn't you hear me?"
You looked forward again and you were in the kitchen, staring at the basement door.
"No," You spoke slowly, just as quietly, "I didn't."
"Your mom and I have been waiting for you in the dining room – didn't you come in here for some water?" She furrowed her eyebrows, eyeing your empty hands when you raised them, and then she stood in front of you, taking them in hers, when she noticed they were shaking, but she moved her head a bit until you finally made eye contact with her, "Are you spinning? Do you want to sit down? Do you want a hug?"
"No," You shook your head, "I'm not spinning."
"The hug is still available, though," She smiled softly, "Whenever you want one."
"Maybe after dinner." You smirked and she scrunched her nose, trying not to smile too widely.
You got your glass of water, purposefully keeping your eyes off that door as you did, and then the two of you went into the dining room where there were four places set.
Like always.
"There you are," Your mom grinned at you both, "Was starting to get worried there for a moment, but I see your Natasha found you."
"That she did." You muttered with a small smile and then louder, you added, "Smells amazing, is it lasagna?" You excitedly looked to Natasha after your mom nodded, "It's one of my favorites," She raised her eyebrows with a smile, her eyes soft as you both sat down and you continued, "Mom and Lewis always reminded me that dad would make it about once a week and he always loaded it with cheese and whatever meat we had, if we had any, and Lewis always helped with the seasoning and such," You scooped out a massive serving onto a plate and Natasha looked surprised when you passed the plate to her, so you hesitated, "Sorry, do you not-"
"No, I like lasagna." She assured and you smiled to yourself with a small nod before doing your own, then handing it off to your mom so she could get her own.
You all passed around the sides and Natasha hesitated, maybe thinking that you guys prayed before a meal, so you purposefully took a big forkful, making her smile before mirroring you.
"The wine!" Your mom remembered, getting up to get the bottle.
"How're you feeling?" She whispered across the table in case your mom was listening.
"Better," You grinned, sauce staining your lips, "Thanks, Natalia, you coming here is...just, thank you. It makes me feel so much sa-"
"Here we are." Your mom came back into the room and starting filling glasses, Natasha's eyes still on yours, wanting you to finish what you were saying, but then picking up that the moment was over.
"I'm graduating this year," You announced after she sat down again, "A year early."
"That's wonderful, sweetie!" Your mom cheered and it surprised you a bit.
At first, when she was being extra nice, you figured it was because you brought a guest and when she started calling your spinners a 'curse' you assumed this trip wasn't going to be a pleasant one. But now, you had a good feeling that she was really trying, and it reminded you of when you were little. The lasagna alone was a big step – she hadn't cooked something that reminded you both of old times in forever and it warmed your heart.
It felt so good, you almost cried.
"I'm so proud of you," She gushed, and you smiled shakily, really trying hard not to get emotional, but then she was looking to Natasha, "And you're proud of our girl, I bet."
Your eyes went wide at that, glancing over at Natasha in alarmed and praying she wouldn't say something that might accidentally kill the mood, but she was smiling at your mom already.
"Yeah, she told me while I was away and I still haven't been able to properly congratulate her yet, but I have some ideas."
It was slightly suggestive, but your mom didn't notice, and your cheeks tinted pink, so you took a good few sips of wine, internally blaming it on that.
"I'm sure you'll find a way," Your mom told her easily, beaming at you both, "It's been so long since this house had more than just me in it," Her chin wobbled a little when she looked to you again, "I'm really sorry for my behavior, even when you got here this morning," She squeezed your arm, "It's been an adjustment, but I hope you'll come back more often."
"Of course," You promised, even though you both knew it was a lie, and you saw the flicker of hope fade in your mother's eyes for the first time, "Wait, mom...?" You got her attention before she brushed it off and she raised her eyebrows, still looking to you, "You know I...I can't be here much. You know that...right?"
There was a long moment of silence as your mother pursed her lips, searching your eyes for something, and she seemed to find it because then she smiled, turning to Natasha again.
"Are you close to your family, Natasha?"
"Um, my parents and younger sister live in Ohio unless they're travelling for work," She nodded behind her glass, "But Yelena, my sister, is actually coming to New York soon for a visit."
"Oh, yeah," You smiled at that because she had mentioned it excitedly when you slept over at the tower, "Next week, right?"
"Yeah." She smiled back, watching you as she took a drink, and you sat back happily in your chair, getting another scoop of lasagna from your plate.
"That's great," Your mom told her, "Family is important."
"No matter what it looks like." Natasha added, looking between you both.
"Unless your parents are like her friend's, Alex, because those are awful people," She scoffed and you frowned down at your plate, feeling Natasha's eyes on you, but not caring right now, "Abandoning their child at eighteen just because-"
"Well, now they have Y/n," Natasha cut in, sensing you wanted her to stop talking about it, but couldn't voice it yourself, and she paused until you looked up at her, realizing what she said, "And anyone in Y/n's life is family, she makes them feel like that anyway," She smiled at you warmly, "Whenever I'm with Y/n, I feel like I'm home."
"She reminds you of home? Reminds you of your family?" Your mom guessed, but the way she was looking at you across the table, you didn't think that was quite it.
"Something like that."
