You were both sitting criss cross on your bed facing each other around ten that night, smiling at each other like goofs, and you knew this was stupid, but you couldn't help loving it.
"You were fourteen when you had your first kiss?" She gaped at you, and you smiled, chewing a grape before she mumbled, "I was nineteen."
"No way," You shook your head in disbelief, "That's impossible."
"I was in the red room, and we didn't exactly have opportunities."
"But you're gay," You chewed like you were skeptical of the lies she was telling, "And you were surrounded by girls. Make it make sense."
"We'd probably be killed if we did."
"Alright, I'm gonna brush right by that darkness and just be happy you and those others got out," You told her and she gave you a small smile, "Mine turn...hmm," You tapped your chin and she lifted another grape to your mouth so you bit it carefully, not trying to put your mouth on her finger out of respect – you guys haven't even kissed yet, "I mean, I can't help but want to ask when you had your first time now because if you just kissed someone for the first time at nineteen, it does beg the question."
"Twenty," She answered immediately, and you nodded approvingly before she asked, "And you?" She raised her eyebrows as she took a grape for herself, "How old were you?"
"Oh, I'm still a blushing virgin." You deadpanned without missing a beat.
"Shut up!" She laughed loudly and you grinned cheekily, "You are not."
"No, I'm not Captain America – I do get laid."
She laughed behind her fist, shaking her head with her eyes closed, and you smiled watching her before she looked at you again – like that. Like you were the most important person in her life, and it was all so overwhelming. On top of being here, where you're constantly fighting off spinners in your head, afraid to sleep or close your eyes for too long, and in the back of your mind, the door in the kitchen has a heartbeat that pounds against your skull, dying to be freed.
"Hey, hey," She cooed, touching your arms to pull you back to her, "Lost you there for a minute again, you alright?"
Before you answered, she pulled the blanket over your shoulders better and turned off the light on the nightstand, letting the candle next to it on the nightstand be the only thing to illuminate the room.
"I'm okay." You assured with a quick smile, and she let out a sigh of relief.
"Let's keep going," She rushed out nervously and then took a deep breath before nodding, "It's your turn."
"What's your biggest regret?" You asked randomly, not even thinking about it first, but it didn't seem to throw her off or bother her, so you didn't dwell on it.
"Not going back for my sister sooner."
"But you've got her now," You gave her a soft smile, taking her hands in yours to rub the backs with your thumbs, and she peered up at you with a spark in her eyes you could even see in this dim lighting, "And you guys are closer than ever, kicking ass must bring families together."
"In my experience," She laughed, nodding, and you cocked an eyebrow before she asked, "Okay, my turn, so, have you...ever been in love?"
She was good at keeping secrets, the best, really, but you knew this question was coming from the beginning and you smiled to yourself when she finally got it out, knowing it's been floating around for a while.
"I think I loved Amelia," You nodded, biting your lip thoughtfully before you continued, and you just realized you were still holding her hands, "I was so sure I did when she got sick and it all happened so fast, so I told her I did," You frowned down at your lap, whispering after a long pause, "Does it make me an awful person if I'm not so sure now? That's terrible, to just lie to someone like that, especially when they're ill...I'm...I don't know."
