The Curtis Sister - The Outsiders

Survivors Guilt

The dimly lit hallway stretched endlessly before me as I walked alone, feeling completely lost in a daze. The weight of the past few weeks pressed down heavily on my shoulders, making each step feel like a burden to carry. Celebrating my 13th birthday felt hollow and empty, overshadowed by the guilt of growing older while Carter will never have the chance to leave his teenage years behind.

My little group of friends that just weeks ago were inseparable has drifted apart. I never imagined that Carter Campbell was the glue that held everybody together. Ella returned to school but hasn't spoken a word to anybody, I haven't heard her speak since the night in the hospital.

The Sharktooth necklace was back around her neck and most of the time when I would glance at her she would be lost in a trance moving the necklace between her fingers. She doesn't look in my direction anymore. She keeps her hood up and head down. Teachers seem to be understanding, However some people have even come up to her trying to be comforting "Sorry for your loss" they would say, But Ella wouldn't even acknowledge they were speaking.

Jess has not returned to school, or home for that matter. I knew he was out of the hospital and on the road to recovery. Dally said he went by to see him when he was still in the hospital and he was quiet but spoke, He thanked Dally for saving his life. Who would have thought Dallas Winston was...local hero? Jess had pretty bad burns on his upper right arm and shoulder but is expected to make a full recovery.

I saw Jess outside at the end of the funeral. He was staying distant, staring at me smoking a cigarette. We held eye contact for a while but when I took a step in his direction he shook his head motioning no and walked away. He is hurting. He lost his best friend and didn't get the chance to say goodbye. I am sure he has asked himself a question that has once haunted my thoughts as well. Why did he make it out of the fire and Carter didn't?

Survivors Guilt.

I dragged myself to class after class, day after day. I was beginning to understand why Ella refused to speak. I couldn't find the words either. The empty chair where Carter would usually sit screamed at me and I couldn't take being in that classroom any longer. I grabbed my bag flipping it over my shoulder and walked out in the middle of the lecture. I heard the teacher say my name confusion in her voice before the classroom door closed. I slammed open the door leading to the courtyard, the bright sun making me squint. I kept walking not turning around to the few teachers that tried to get my attention. I needed to get away from everything so I headed to the only spot I knew where I would be completely unbothered, the secret spot.

I was walking through town heading to the railroad track when a boy running out of a convenience store nearly tumbled over me. The worker ran after him and grabbed his shoulder spinning him around.

"You gonna pay for that, boy?" the worker questioned grabbing the licorice out of the coat pocket of the boy.

As soon as I realized what was going on, and that the boy the worker had ahold of was Jess I acted fast speaking for the first time in a while.

"Thank God," I said snatching the licorice from the worker and taking a bite of it. "Took ya long enough". I fake scolded, Jess.

The worker looked at me puzzled and before I allowed him to speak I lied my ass off. "Sorry Sir, My sugar was dropping and I needed something fast, we had every intention of coming back and paying" I reached into my pocket and pulled out some change handing it to the worker who grunted and released Jess making his way back inside.

Once the worker was back inside and it was just Jess and I standing on the sidewalk I handed him back the half-eaten licorice. "Here,".

"Thanks" Jess whispered out.