All Or Nothing

Self Reflection

•CYRUS POV•

I pull up to Jadens house seeing the lights on upstairs "come on" I say as I put the car in park and quickly hop out "Bye Ronnie!" He says as he gathers up his trash and toy and gets out "Bye" she says as I shut the door and walk him to his front door. "Tell your mom to call me tomorrow so I can talk with her" I say looking down at him. "Okay bye" he says as he opens up the front door and shuts it behind him , I walk back to the car and get in.

"He's a good kid" I hear Ronnie say and I nod my head in agreement. I quickly make a U-turn and ride down the street. "I'm gonna take you to get a new phone in the morning" I say as we pull up to my apartment complex . "I can get my own phone Cyrus.. Look I don't need you pitying me because of Andy.. I-I'm gonna be leaving Chicago soon an-" I cut her off "Why?" I say turning my car off and looking at her.

"I just think this is all too much for me" she says looking over at me. "Don't you wanna know who killed Andy?!" I say getting at little upset. "Of course I do! But right now I-I just don't want to.. everyone around me keeps getting hurt by my actions" she says as tears fill her eyes. "What happened with your brother wasn't your fault-" she cuts me off "But it was though! I chose to scam them ! I chose to pull the trigger! I chose to leave Andy alone that night and now look what's happened!" She say dropping her head into her lap.

"You can't hold yourself accountable for everything happening in your life .. yes you chose to scam , but did you know that was your long lost dad you were stealing from ?! No this literally sounds like a movie or some shit... you chose to live instead of die in the hands of a pathetic man that night and I honestly can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing , and you damn sure can't blame yourself for Andy... that was just very unfortunate what happened to her and I promise we gonna find out who did it..." I say looking at her as she sat up.

The moon shinned on her brown skin as I look down at her lips which were a little chapped I quickly look back up into her eyes. We both stared at each other not saying a word letting the silence fill the air. She looks at me not saying a word , she stared me deep into my soul and I felt my stomach tingle a little as I break the glance "Ehum" -I clear my throat a little as I look down grabbing the empty McDonald's cup. I slowly look back up at her who was already still staring at me.

"I see why everyone likes you.. you seem to always know what to say" she says looking away as she grabs her trash and opens the door and gets out. I hop out the car and we both head inside my place.
"Don't leave just give it time.." I say as I walk into my room. "Hey can I shower first?" She asks from the living room "yeah go head" I say taking off my shirt so I'm left in my sports bra. I hear her footsteps getting louder as she walks into the bathroom shutting the door behind her.

                              •RONNIE POV•

I turn the shower on letting the temperature adjust just right before taking off all of my clothes. I walk over to the mirror looking at my body. I looked pretty exhausted. I lean in closer noticing the dried up snot on my cheek .. I instantly get embarrassed. Cyrus didn't even mention that to me then again maybe she didn't even notice.

I fold my dirty clothes up and place them neatly on the floor. I pull the shower curtain aside and step in letting the hot water hit my back first. I lean in closer to the shower head allowing my hair to get wet. I stand there in complete silence as I close my eyes and just let the water run. After a few minutes my legs get weak and I sit down on the shower mat and just think.

I know I gotta get justice for Andy but I also know the drama it's gonna come with... I feel like I should just join in with Cyrus and kill ghosts whole gang but where's that gonna get me ? Dead or in jail. I gotta think smart about this if I'm actually gonna do this. John was acting so strange that night I just don't even wanna be around him , I mean let's say he actually did have something to do with Andy's death- why her?! We all been close since the sandbox I can't even imagine him doing such a thing! I thought to myself .

Maybe he just wanted company, still I didn't like his demeanor... Anyways I really like how Cyrus take care of the people she loves, poor kid he deserves better I'm glad I met him , he told me all about what Cyrus did for the kids and teens on the block , she truly means well she's just in a fucked up world. I wanna help her fix her neighborhood I mean after all the things she did for me it's the least I could do. Plus I know she's been sparing John off the strength of me...

Tonight in the car what she said.. it made me feel amazing- and I haven't felt that in a long time... it seems like she sees the good in me finally and she's starting to ease up more. I truly think I'm starting to like her- not like that but as a friend again I thought to myself as I hear a knock at the door. "Hey you good?" Cyrus said on the outside of the bathroom door "Yeah I'm fine" I say "Oh okay cause you been in there for over an hour" she says and I jump up and grab my wash cloth and begin putting soap on it .

"Sorry I'll be out soon" I shout as I quickly wash up a few times . I rinse off for the last time and step out the shower . I dry off before heading over to the sink to brush my teeth. I quickly throw my pjs on before grabbing my dirty clothes and heading out into the living room where my bags were.

"You done?" Cyrus says from her room and I shout back "Yes you can go in" I say as I zip my bag up. I head over to the couch and put my phone on the charger before shutting the light off and laying down. I sigh , so much shit to deal with I need to take this day by day I thought to myself as I felt my eyes getting heavy. I turn my body so that I'm on my back and I close my eyes and drift off to sleep...