Running from the pain

Chapter 14

Today's the funeral and everything is happening in slow motion. I wake up in my parents house next to Drew. I force myself out of bed and to the bathroom.

I wash my face, throw my hair up and change from my pajamas into sweatpants and a baggy shirt. Once I finish I go down to the kitchen. I grab a bottle of water then throw on my Uggs and grab my car keys. I run up to my room and grab my phone and camera.

I pause at my art bag before grabbing it. I then leave the house and drive for what seems like forever. I finally stop and see that I'm at the lookout cliff. Or as it's more commonly called, dead mans edge.

Story goes that once upon a time people came here to die. After that stopped people came here after suffering a loss. Whether it be a friend, parent, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, grandparent, whoever.

I didn't realize that I was driving here till I arrived. Once I did, I got out with my stuff. I take a few pictures and color some drawings from awhile ago.

My phones been going off but I ignore it until I have to head back to get ready. I drive back in a silent car just thinking about my grandparents.

I can just hear my grandma saying 'Why on earth would you be crying. Yes you can't see them anymore, but that doesn't mean they aren't here. They're never gone. Now cheer up it'll get better.'

It's crazy to think that she was here just two days ago. I talked to her and hugged her and laughed with her. Now she's just gone. I'll never be able to do that again. If it weren't for her and grandpa I wouldn't have had the courage to leave. I wouldn't be drawing or be doing anything I like to do.

"There you are! We have to leave soon. Hurry up!" Mom says when I open the door. She rushes me upstairs so I can change.

I put on a simple black dress with lace on top. It's tight at the top and then flares out at my waist and ends at my knees. I put my hair down and brush it out. I don't put on make up and just put on my black flats.

Grabbing my black purse with my phone and tissues in it, I head downstairs. Once everyone is ready we head to the church.

It goes by in a blur until I'm asked to speak. I hesitate but stand up and walk to the podium.

"Hi everyone. I'm not really sure how to do this since I've never spoken at a funeral before." I say with a small smile and trying not to break down.

"We all knew my grandparents pretty well. It was kind of hard not to know them. I know that they were happy even when they were in the hospital. They were happy because they were together. They were happy because we were all together. There was no fighting or anything negative. We just enjoyed being together and had fun. That's all they would want from us now." my voice breaks and I pause to collect myself.

"Earlier today couldn't help but think of what grandma would say. It would go about like this; 'Why is everyone so sad. We should be happy! This is a new beginning.' We may not be able to see them but they're still here." My voice breaks and this time I do break down.

I feel arms wrap around me and lead me back to my seat. I hear more people speak. Then it's time to go to the wake. I walk out to the car and get in.

The drive is quiet and I'm just staring out the window. The priest says a few words and we do the whole ceremony thing. Once that's all done everyone heads out for dinner. I ask to be dropped off and my parents oblige.

"Chloe talk to me. Please. All you've done is cry. I haven't heard you speak since your eulogy." Drew says gently.

"I don't know what to say! I'm not okay and the two people who have me the strength to get out of here and to do what I love to do are gone. What am I supposed to do! I can't just pretend like they're death is nothing! God Drew I just want them back!" I shout whipping around to face him.

"I'm not saying any of that. I just want you to talk to me. Please Chlo. I love you. Please don't shit me out." He begs.

"I'm sorry Drew. I love you too. I love you so much. I just don't know if I can go back." Tears stream down my face against my will.

"What do you mean."

"I mean, I don't know. My parents are getting along, they're acting like should towards me and everything that I hated, except for Jacob, is gone. I don't have a reason to run from here."

"Yes you do. You have the fact that Jacob is here and I'm in New York. You have a job and college in New York. You have Royal and Aniya. Your parents will probably start fighting once they move on from your grandparents deaths. Chloe we can stay here for another month or two of you want but we will have to go back."

"I guess you're right. It's just hard. I never got to say goodbye. I just wish I had one more hug, one more laugh, one more of everything. I just miss them so much it hurts." I say start to sob.

"Shh. I got you baby. It's okay. I'm here. It'll all be alright. Shh, baby girl, shh." He says hugging me and rocking back and forth.

**** Hey! So sad chapter again. Again I cried writing this and will probably cry in the next few chapters. I don't know yet. Yes my laptop is still broken and yes the next few chapters will be sad. Hope you enjoyed this chapter! As Always....

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