𝐓𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐁𝐲 𝐀𝐧 𝐈𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 | hotchniss

wondering where did my baby go?

____

She missed that.

The addictive feeling of smoking and the nicotine entering her lungs, giving her the false sense of calmness that she still appreciated, specifically for purging the thoughts and fears that were haunting her. It was comforting, although only temporary, and soon enough she would be back to feeling desolate again.

Emily immediately put out her cigarette in the small water cup on the table and sat up on her sofa when Clyde revealed the reason for his call. "What... what do you mean?" She asked, her voice coming out weak. She was mentally preparing herself for bad news as she heard Clyde sigh over the line. "I'm sorry, Em, but he got them."

Perhaps it would have been better if she'd kept ignoring his calls— that way she would still be unaware, still have a reason to believe that the reason they couldn't reach Sean and Nadia anymore was because they had fled too.

Now that she had answered Clyde, she didn't have that privilege; of not knowing. Nadia and Sean were dead, murdered by Ian.

"What about Joey?" She asked, desperately searching for a glimmer of hope to avoid the monumental pit of pure melancholy she was about to fall into if the bad news kept coming.

"She was at the hospital undergoing surgery at the time. The doctors said Sean and Nadia left mysteriously before she was out, and never came back." Emily moved the phone away from her face so Clyde wouldn't hear the sobs she was trying to swallow.

"Does... does she know? Is there anything I can do... should I send money?" Emily's voice gave away how she felt— there was no point in trying to hide it anymore, the long pauses made that clear.

"No, she hasn't woken up yet, and everything is sorted. I had her moved to another hospital until it's safe" Clyde said, knowing exactly what was weighing on Emily's mind; the guilt.

"We all agreed to participate in this mission. We knew the risks involved and did it anyway. It's not your fault" he tried to reassure her, 'but you weren't the one sleeping with him and faking his son's death' she wanted to yell but she kept it to herself suffering quietly.

"Emily, are you still there?"

"I'm coming over" he announced, knowing it would scare her enough to make her reply. "Don't" she refused. "I'm okay, and it's too dangerous." She wiped her tears, standing up to get a glass of wine.

"Are you sure?"

"I gotta go, Clyde" she finished the conversation, not bothering to assure him, and lighting a new cigarette once settled back on the sofa.

____

She was terrified.

Emily knew it, she felt it, and she was aware that it was noticeable. The feeling was so strong, so consuming, that she couldn't find the strength to pretend otherwise and start working on reinforcing her act.

She was so tired of it— checking her car for suspicious devices and noises, being alert and afraid of every sound she heard, and regarding every passerby on the street as a potential threat. She had become paranoid, unable to sleep or eat, her entire being focused on staying ready for Ian's next move.

She had been on edge, lashing out at her friends like Derek and Penelope and finding excuses to get irritated by JJ, she just couldn't help it. Ian was no longer a presence in her private life alone he had inserted himself into her work life too, forcing her team to unknowingly work on a case that he was a part of. What solution could she come up with now to separate the two? He had killed two families, shot at her and Derek, and led to Reid starting to reconstruct the tattoo. Her team was getting closer and closer to figuring it out, and she could do nothing but watch.