𝐓𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐁𝐲 𝐀𝐧 𝐈𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 | hotchniss

I never was ready, so I watch you go

____

Emily used to hate Lauren; she loathed that version of herself. But now, after spending all these months with her thoughts, she realizes that Lauren actually saved her. It was easier for her to blame that persona than herself.

She, Emily, never did anything wrong. It was always Lauren. When Ian died, he took that away from her too. It was her who hurt her friends, who ruined her relationship dynamic, not Lauren.

She wished the feeling she couldn't even identify would've left with Ian and Lauren too. But perhaps, in some kind of cynical gift Ian left her, that feeling lingered. Now, she won't have someone to blame, and that will stay there, tormenting her.

Yes, the man will definitely find his ways to haunt her forever, even from his grave.

"Don't you have any questions for me?" she asked randomly. For Aaron, it felt random, but to her, it wasn't. It was something she felt he held back, and she needed to address.

They were back from another long case, and although all Emily wanted to do was to snuggle under the covers with him, she was curious. Every now and then, the conversation with Derek resurfaced in her mind. He had so many questions, so many concerns, and she didn't believe Aaron didn't have any.

"What questions?" He inquired, unlocking the door to her apartment and opening it for her to enter. Emily waited for him to close it and face her before answering.

"About the work I did undercover, if I ever had to... take a life..." she said hesitantly. "Don't you want to know about the person you've been sharing a bed with?" She asked, looking to see if he would take her suggestion and ask something. Maybe talking about what she did with him will help the sickening guilt she felt.

Aaron smiled at her, putting down the keys and their bags and reaching to grab her face. "I already know who you are, Emily. You're a brave, strong, and compassionate woman who was willing to risk everything to protect a child. This is who you are" he said, meeting her lips briefly and pulling away. "That's the person I love."

She drew her eyebrows together. "But there's more, there are things you still don't know about me." She tried to coax him into asking her questions she knew she was scared of answering, but Emily was still convinced he deserved them. Maybe after getting them, he will change how he feels.

"I know. And whenever you feel comfortable opening up to me about that, I'll be here to listen. I'm not going anywhere" he said, kissing her forehead and pulling her in for a hug. Aaron had no doubt there were aspects in her past that she was yet to tell him, things that Ian did to her, reasons for her loud, horror-filled screams at night. But he wasn't going to pressure her to share anything she wasn't ready for yet so he was waiting.

____

It's been almost a week since Emily told him she needed some time off. He could never refuse, and deep down, he knew she needed it.
Much to his relief, the team hadn't been called in for a case, so he didn't spend too much time away from Emily.

Her routine was pretty consistent; she would wake up when Aaron did, watch him get ready and leave for work, and count the seconds until he was back to her apartment so she could go back to sleep in his arms again.

She hated when he left her, but she couldn't tell him to stay, so she waited, trying to feel satisfied with the phone calls he would frequently make to remind her to eat, trying to feel comforted by his voice even if it was for such brief moments.

During the time he spent in his office, his mind would keep thinking of her. He knew she rarely ever listened to him, and he could confidently guess she never left her bed, the untouched food that waited at the same spot when he got back proved that.