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I knew she would disappear, but now that it's a reality, the pain is unbearable. I found myself in our bedroom, my head bowed, staring blankly at the torn white dress she had worn. The wardrobe was left open, clothes scattered on the floor. Chaos reigned. It felt like a part of me had been ripped out. I fell to my knees, tears threatening to surface, and I punched the floor with my fist, my desperate sobs filling the room where I was alone once again.
I don't know how many hours passed, but I lay on my back on the floor, clutching her torn dress in my hand. I gritted my teeth. I curse myself... tsk... What have I done?
The room was so dark, the only light coming from the moon reflecting off a few objects. I sat up. I felt indescribably hurt without her, though I knew I deserved every bit of it.
I stood, my hands clenched into fists. I took deep breaths to suppress the sorrow, facing the reality that I had lost her forever. Her deep dark brown eyes would never look at me the way they once did. I would be consumed by this guilt.
I will find you, beg for your forgiveness, hold you, and never let go until death parts us.
I wiped away the solitary tear that rolled down my cheek. I concentrated on locating her presence. Nothing... I laughed hollowly.
Who would have thought that the techniques I taught her would come back to bite me?
My heart lit up with hope, my pulse quickening.
If she's using techniques I taught her, from the person she should hate the most, it means she doesn't hate me entirely and there's still a spark left to save us.
I let the torn dress fall from my hand onto the floor. I stormed out of the house.
No one, not even I, would be able to track her down with the Jujutsu technique she's using.
Where are you, Kanna?
I bit my lip as I desperately tried to reach her by phone.
Beep... please leave a message after the tone... beep... I suddenly wept, "Kanna, please, I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me! I swear I had reasons for what I did!" The call was cut off, and I slowed my pace until I stood breathless, screaming in frustration, "FUCKKKKK."
I almost threw my phone to the ground but controlled myself. What if she calls back...
I wandered through the empty, nearly lifeless city of Tokyo, desperate, turning my head in all directions. I saw her everywhere but nowhere. I shouted her name through every corner, so full of despair, "KANNNAAA!!"
Sometimes, I sat in the cold air, collapsed, running my hands through my hair in desperation.
I failed as a husband... Then I would get up again and keep searching while making calls. It must have been the hundredth message, "Kanna, please, just pick up. Let's at least talk!" Nothing, just emptiness and me, left alone... I cursed myself.
What if something happens to her because of me... what if she's desperate and alone... what if she makes the wrong decision... what if I lose her completely?
The very thought made my heart ache so much I had to clutch my shirt, breathing heavily.
I bit my lower lip, "Please, Kanna..."
Dawn broke, and I was extremely hungry, but I had to swallow it down. I was still searching for her. Other people began to emerge from their homes as work started, children going to school. Nowhere in sight... It was as if she had vanished from the face of the earth... I was going insane... Little children laughed and pointed at me because I was so lost in thought, with dark circles under my eyes.
Where are you, my little Kanna?
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