gamer girl wildest dreams

mental war breakdown

After  some good wholesome family bonding.  We go get something to eat. Then Han and Brianne go their separate ways. 

Me: did everyone have fun?

Channie:  yes we all did baby girl.  Thanks for treating us.

Me: it felt good to do it. I don't mind.  I smile

We arrived back home. We all get out and go to the elevator.  We reach our floor.  Chris opens the door.  Everyone splits off like children.  I  go to lay down on the couch. Turn on the TV. Chris goes to our room to work on music.  Everyone is in their room's. Hans still on his date.

Lee know:  move over kitten. He smiles.

He gets behind me to cuddle.  He kisses my shoulder. 

Me: this feels nice. 

Lee know:  yes it does. 

We lay there watching TV.  Enjoying each other company and talking. 

Lee know: I don't want you to take the manager job.

Me: I don't think I want it. It's to much power.  I'm happy of being your guy's assistant.  At least I see you all. If I'm the manager I won't get to do that much.

He smiles. 

Lee know: come to my room.

I turn the TV off and I go to his room.

Lee know: lay down kitten.

I  lay down on his bed. He lay on top of me and starts kissing me.  I wrap my arms around his body.

Lee know: Renee I am happy that your also mine. I  hated myself for falling for you. But I couldn't help it. Bangchan is like a big brother to me and I hated telling him that I fall for his girl. But he knows I wouldn't run off with you and hurt him. I love you Renee.  I know it's weird to have 2 men love you.  But I know Bangchan definitely loves you and I with no doubt love you. 

Me: I love you too Lee know.  It's weird being in a relationship with 2 men. I'm definitely not used to it. But I'm trying to make it work.  I definitely want my husband happy and I want my boyfriend happy. Hopefully nobody else in this house wants me.  I  smile.

Lee know:  I can tell Han is happy with Brianne so your safe there. Changbin is starting to like Linda.  The 2 youngest ones are happy with just being brothers and sister with you. Felix will have you seen how he looks at you.

Me: no Lee know don't start that shit with me.

Lee know:  I'm just saying he did find you first.  But Bangchan made the first move. 

Me: how would you know Felix has feelings for me.  Has he said anything to you about it?

Lee know:  yes.

Me: shut up. Your lieing.

Lee know:  no baby kitten I'm not lieing. 

Me: I don't know how to feel about this.  3 guys really? Why are you telling me this. Aren't you revealing some sort of secret bro code?

Lee know: no not really. He didn't tell me to not tell you. 

Me: I'm speechless right now.  Have you told Chris?

Lee know: yes. I told him when I told him about me liking you.

Me: why hasn't Chris said anything about it to me?

Lee know: because you've been so busy with work and help keeping the dorm clean. Trust me he's talked with Felix about it.

Me: can I get up and go outside to get some air alone.

Lee know:  sure.

Me: if Chris asked where I am just tell him I'm outside. Don't tell him you've told me anything.

Lee know: no problem.

I  get up and walk out of the bed. But my shoes on and go to the elevator.  I get to the car garage there's a bench I can sit down on. I take a seat and breath. My mental war's back. I think to myself I'm not worthy of this life.  I start crying.  All the boy's and Sheryl has shown me nothing but love and acceptance. They've treated me way better than what I had back in the USA. I'm not used to this.  Back in the USA I got treated like shit from my family.  I had a psycho hacker stalker on my ass that didn't know if he wanted me dead or alive. Here I get treated way differently.  I get kindness,  love,  acceptance,  I'm appreciated. I'm respected.  I am being taken care of. Am I even worthy of all this. I have a amazing husband and a amazing boyfriend.  Now I learn Felix wants me as a girlfriend.  I have a amazing boss and job. All of this is just overwhelming.  My crying is finally done.  I take a few deep breaths and straighten myself up. I head to the laundry room to clean my face up before heading up to the boy's.