high rise hearts ☆ lifesteal smp au

𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐋 + 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊𝐒 ✪

𝘁𝘆𝗽𝗲: crackfic
𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽𝘀: none
𝘁𝘄: n/a
𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝘆: n/a
𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁: american independence day = lifesteal + fireworks = disaster

─── ⋅☆⋅ ───

𝐏𝐎𝐕: none

- the entirety of lifesteal's sitting in a fireworks warehouse they broke into

PARROT: aight guys listen up

PARROT: when it hits 12 AM we are going to light this here fuse

- parrot lifts said fuse in his hand, which is connected to literally every single explosive in the place

PARROT: and the place is gonna go splodey

CUBE: but it isnt new years???

PARROT: stfu this is why nobody likes you nerd

CUBE: sadness

- everybody cheers, idk why

PARROT: ok ok it's 9 PM rn so we just gotta hold out for 3 hours

PARROT: alr guys??

- everybody's still cheering and nobody hears parrot

PARROT: GUYS SHUT UP IM TALKIN HERE

- nobody shuts up

- parrot gives up and gets off the tnt box he was standing on

- ash brought a pickup truck full of beer and everyone's partying

- for some reason the fuse is sitting in one of the bottles

- parrot's mad and snatches le fuse out

PARROT: guys be careful w da fuse!!!

EVERYBODY: sorry lol

- parrot throws the fuse on the floor and everyone's partying again

- reddoons is siphoning gas out of ash's pickup truck

ASH: what r u doing redd

REDD: uh nothin

ASH: that's my fuel dumbass

REDD: idc i need money

- a lil gas spills on the floor and activates parrot

- parrot teleports to the crime scene

PARROT: be careful with that gasoline!! if you light it on fire youll ruin the surprise

REDD: fine bro chill

- parrot tries to wipe up the spill with his shoe and falls

- his face hits ash's truck and leaves a dent, then he lands on the floor

EVERYBODY: hysterical laughter

PARROT: it isnt funny omg

ASH: you ruined my fuckin truck oml that was a years worth of telemarketing scams

REDD: why'd you even buy a pickup like get an actual car

ASH: stfu 😭

- ash is crying over his fuckin truck now

- parrot's like dead on the ground

CUBE: alright guys since our leader is dead i think i should take charge and do whats best for our community

EVERYBODY: no

CUBE: aw man

SPOKE: what if i lead instead guys

EVERYBODY: why the hell not

- 5 minutes later everybody's blackout drunk bc leader spoke said it was law that you had to chug at least 5 bottles of beer to stand in the warehouse

- kaboodle (who everybody forgot to invite) shows up and cannonballs into an open fireworks crate and fails to resurface

- nobody cares

- squiddo brought a pineapple and everyone's playing hot potato with it

- leo accidentally drops the pineapple and it bonks parrot's head

- parrot spontaneously revives himself

PARROT: what the hell guys

PARROT: that was mean >:C

LEO: sorry :<

PARROT: wait guys its 12:01 and everything is still intact

- the force of parrots anger is so intense the warehouse explodes anyway and everybody dies

─── ⋅☆⋅ ───

𝗮/𝗻: idek what this is. i completely forgot to do sm for the 4th of july so take this shit instead of an actual well written oneshot lol. (hey at least you got a double post today) i might make an actually good 4th of july oneshot but it'll be totally late so idk. anyways happy american independence day mfs /affectionate ☆ bk

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 557