high rise hearts ☆ lifesteal smp au

𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇 𝐃𝐀𝐘 ✦✯

𝘁𝘆𝗽𝗲: normal oneshot (humor + some fluff)
𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽𝘀: background clownzy + swagdoons
𝘁𝘄: n/a
𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝘆: @vatalifxedxeart
(note: all oneshots previously credited under N1lifestealfan belong to this account, they just changed user lol)
𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁: lifesteal goes to the beach and fools around! (even though it's already october!!) a collection of silly moments

─── ⋅☆⋅ ───

𝐏𝐎𝐕: kaboodle

"AAAAASSSHHH. Drive the FUCK FASTER!"
"Okay, okay. Jeez, man- holy shit-"
The car swerves abruptly, jolting Kab forwards so far that she almost hit her head on the dashboard. Ash let out another muttered string of curses, bright flashes of magenta sparking around him, as he forcefully twisted the steering wheel. The car was righted with a screech of tires against asphalt, plus the jingle of the assorted charms hanging from the rearview mirror. That's like the fourth time they've almost crashed so far.
"You know, I think I'd be better off driving next time. If we ever live to see the next time, that is." Redd remarks casually from the backseat. Ash makes sure to make his scowl very clear in the rear view mirror- you can see his narrowed eye even through the bright purple sunglasses he's wearing for the occasion. "Hey, you're not exactly keeping your driving skills a secret."
"Blame Kab, she's the one who wanted me to go faster-" Ash huffed, rolling his eye before returning his gaze to the road. It wasn't the best time to be speeding, considering it was a holiday and there were plenty of happy families out on the road, but in all honesty nobody cared, least of all the occupants of this car.
"Hey! It wasn't my fault you were driving as slow as a lethargic snail before I asked." Kab made sure to add an extra dash of sass to her voice when she said it. "Ooh, the ETA went up! We'll be there by 11 now~" Not like they didn't still have like 2 hours to go.
"Thank god, my ass is sore. We've been here for like an hour already..." Woogie groans from the back. "My head is killing me." Kab can see why he'd be uncomfortable- he's squished in the middle seat of the car between Redd and Squiddo, with the latter practically draped over his shoulder and snoring at top volume. Probably not the best position to be in for such a long ride.
"Man, I can't wait to get off this car and skip to the fun part..." Ash smiles in anticipation as he cuts past like 3 other cars, receiving at least one honk in return. "Drinking all my problems away." Kab can practically envision him drooling over an icy cool six pack of Coors or Corona or something, with the way he's staring off into the distance. His eyes glaze over as he daydreams of alcohol, resulting in them almost running off the road for the fifth time now.
"At least save some beer for me..." Redd interjects from the back, a playful smirk directed at Ash's reflection in the slightly smudged mirror. "I have problems, and they deserve to drown in booze too." He's interrupted when Ash hits the gas pedal hard and sends them all rocketing forwards through a clear lane in traffic.
"And what if I don't?" Ash shoots back smoothly, although he spares Redd the tiniest glance before he pointedly looks back at the road, batting away glitches from his eye.
"Do you want marital tax benefits or not?"
"..."
"That's what I thought." Redd's grin grows wider with satisfaction, and Kab hears Ash grumble something about stupid hot idiot before returning to driving. The usual back-and-forth that accompanies any relationship, you know.
"What was that, Ash? I'm hot? Why thank you-"
"Shut the hell up."
"Okaay, settle down lovebirds." Kab interrupts, rolling her eyes and wearing a cheeky smile of her own. "You guys can make out later, the rest of us really don't need to see that."
"We are NOT lovebirds..."
"Yeah Ash, save the making out for later~"
"I'll really drink all the beer if you don't shut up."

"Do we have any snacks?" Woogie asks, currently trying to pry Squiddo off his body so he can look around. Kab and Redd watch in amusement as he finally removes them and leans them against the car door, only for them to groan in their sleep and lean back on him, wrapping their arms around his arm as if he were a plush. "Oh, and how the hell do I get Squiddo off me?"
"We might have snacks in the back." Ash says flatly, currently focused on cutting his way through the crowded highway lanes. "And, my apologies but you're stuck with Squiddo forever. Or until they decide to wake up, I dunno." He shrugs, clearly not concerned with Woogie's fate.
"Yeah, they're a really deep sleeper too." Kab adds, relishing the way Woogie's frown deepens with every word that exits her mouth. "She'll probably wake up once we get there though."
"But I'm hungry now..." As if on cue, Woogie's stomach chooses that moment to loudly protest its emptiness. Kab, unable to help herself, dissolves into giggles, because it's just so comedic and how could she not? Woogie just sighs. "Redd, can you find something in the back? Please?"
"Gotcha." Redd unbuckles himself and leans over the back of the seat, his frontal half disappearing from view. Ash takes that moment to run straight over a speed bump, and the sound of him thumping his head hard on the ceiling is very audible even over the revving engine.
"OW- what the fuck, Ash-"
"Sorry not sorry." Kab can see him grinning to himself, and she just has to start giggling again. Redd emerges from the back with a slightly crumpled bag of classic Lays, rubbing his head and muttering to himself.
"Here ya go." He drops the food in Woogie's lap, and he promptly tears it open and starts hungrily devouring every single chip within. Redd buckles himself up again and watches, frowning pointedly at Ash while his free hand massages his skull. Kab still hasn't stopped laughing, and at this rate she probably never will.