high rise hearts ☆ lifesteal smp au

𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐒 ✶✫

𝘁𝘆𝗽𝗲: angst? idk it feels more dull than that
𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽𝘀: clownzy/branzypierce? (this is their ex au so idk if that counts)
𝘁𝘄: kinda toxic relationship? implied? i'm just being safe with this warning idk
𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝘆: n/a
𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁: branzy confronts clown about some past events

─── ⋅☆⋅ ───

𝐏𝐎𝐕: branzy

He hadn't wanted to believe it at first. They say love is blind, but maybe he was just pouring bleach into his eyes, and now he was only just realizing that it stung.
Hell, not even looking at the pictures he'd taken helped convince him. No matter how many times he scrolled through the photos in his camera roll, he couldn't seem to accept the fact that Clown didn't care, never had.
He felt so foolish. Why had he bothered trusting a man the likes of him, a criminal of the highest degree, even being told a thousand times that he'd only be dumped on the floor and left for dead?
Yet he still felt if he took the time to talk with him, maybe they could work something out. Patch up the mistakes, sew together the torn fabric of their relationship, fix... whatever they'd become. Something in his heart was still firmly planted in denial, insisting that maybe he hadn't cheated, maybe it was all just a big misunderstanding, and he couldn't stop himself from wanting to believe it.
So he found himself driving up to Clown's apartment, wearing the hoodie he'd borrowed and his beating heart on his sleeve. Every buzz of the doorbell felt like an alarm ringing in the back of his head, telling him to turn back, but he was too stupid to care, so he ignored them.
"Who is it?" The same lilting tone he'd come to love, now a sound he wished he'd never heard, greeted him from the speaker.
He hesitated, just a moment. This was his final chance of escape. He could just leave, right now, accept the fact that he was wrong about everything, leave him behind. But he didn't want to. "It's Branzy."
Silence from the speaker. Then: "Why are you back? You said we were done, didn't you?"
"I... wanted to talk. About- us. In person."
There was a horrible heartbeat of silence. Branzy held his breath- he wasn't underwater, but the silence was choking him, he felt like he would drown if he even tried to inhale. Finally, the buzzer rang, allowing him entry, and he wheezed out a sigh of relief.
He tried to focus on the tapping of his shoes as he climbed the painted concrete stairway, anything to get his mind off the conversation he was about to have. The idea loomed over his head like a storm cloud, and no matter how hard he tried to push it away, it continued to float above him, plunging his thoughts into shadow. The tapping only grew incessant, far from the comfort he'd wished it to be.
Clown was already standing in the open doorway, waiting for him. One gloved hand- Branzy could recall how warm and comforting it had been to hold, back when things were better- lazily rested on the doorknob, holding it open as if he were some esteemed gentleman greeting guests at a ball. Branzy almost laughed at the idea, so far from the truth.
He noticed Clown had his mask on. It struck him as strange, not to see his face, after having grown used to the sight of him without it. But then again, the idea this was even happening was just as bewildering.
"Hey." Clown stepped aside, motioning with his free hand towards the living room. As always, it was mostly clean, with only a few misplaced items indicating it was lived in. The familiarity brought back memories he'd once been fond of, now buried in the back of his mind like forbidden candy.
"Hi." Branzy could muster no longer reply, too focused on ignoring the wave of nostalgia flooding his head. Every little detail of his apartment seemed to bring back some memory, and he had to lock them all away in the mental safe that read "Clown is a bastard, not worthy of your love, not after what he's done."
"You can sit down. We can talk." Clown, ever the one to play his cards first, shut the door behind him and moved to sit down. The mask's ever present smile invited him closer, but he ignored it, as today it felt far from welcoming.
He sat down on the opposite end of the couch, watching Clown cross his legs leisurely on top of his chipped wooden coffee table. A little ashtray with a single burnt-out cigarette sat close to the heel of his shoes. He never knew Clown to smoke often.
"So, what did want to ask?" The words flowed from him in one breath, too casual for the weight their conversation carried.
"I- I wanted to know... did you really- cheat on me?" Branzy asks slowly. He knows the answer already, there is no denying it, but he still tries, and if Clown will just give him the answer he wants to hear...
"I thought you knew that, Branzy." Clown's mask is tilted away from him, towards the empty black screen of his TV. "You proved you knew it when you left."
"I know. But..." He sighed, unable to formulate a response that wouldn't sound like he was a wheedling child.
"In leaving me, Branzy, you proved you knew all you need. That you can live without me." He can imagine that sounding bitter, but Clown sounds strangely calm about it. "You should have no reason to come back, then."
"I know, Clown. But- why? Why'd you do it?" The answer is oh so obvious, but Branzy has to ask, to convince himself it's happened, even though he knows it won't work.
"Why, Branzy?" He chuckles, like it's all some joke, a game, and were Branzy a different person, he'd likely have taken offense at that. But he was Branzy, and so he sat there dumb and mute, waiting for Clown to say something. "It's honestly obvious..."
"Just tell me. Please..." He sounded so desperate, probably, and he was ashamed of it, but he wasn't strong like the main character of a story, he couldn't fix himself.
"I'm a criminal, Branzy. A murderer, a liar, a cheater, a scammer, whatever words they have for bottom-of-the-floor scum." He sounds almost wistful, saying it, and it sounds so wrong, but Branzy doesn't care. "Do you really think I place that much value on my relationships?"
"I-" Once again, he's lost for words. "I guess I hoped so."
"I guess you really don't know everything, then." Clown laughs again, the sound teasing him with its tempting, poisonous sweetness. "Because trusting someone the likes of me is just plain dumb."

─── ⋅☆⋅ ───

𝗮/𝗻: probably my best work of the week so far... idk i just like the words i used for it lmao ☆ bk

𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲: any trauma described does not come from a first-hand point of view, and thus may contain inaccuracies. additionally, i do not imply that any ccs have experienced this as i do not have access to that information. this is simply my au :')

𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 𝗶𝗶: i did a bad job of displaying it here, so don't rely on my work, but if you think you are in an unhealthy relationship with someone, i advise you speak to someone you trust about the matter. take care of yourself <3

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 1259