high rise hearts ☆ lifesteal smp au

𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐈𝐂 ✧

𝘁𝘆𝗽𝗲: normal oneshot (humor? i think i did a bad job of it lol)
𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽𝘀: none
𝘁𝘄: n/a
𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝘆: n/a
𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁: everybody's carpooling for a trip, and obviously everyone gets stuck in traffic. this is ash attempting to survive said traffic with a car full of crazies

─── ⋅☆⋅ ───

𝐏𝐎𝐕: ash

Ash may or may not be regretting his decision to drive. Sure, maybe Spoke and Kaboodle would kill them all the second they got behind the wheel, and maybe Squiddo didn't actually know how to drive, but he was tired as fuck and really not in the mood for driving, so he'd probably just kill them all anyway when he inevitably fell asleep at the wheel.
Unfortunately, sleep was a rare commodity with his group. Squiddo was blaring Sonic music from their Switch, and the stupid theme song was really starting to burrow itself into its head. Added onto the sound of Kab and Spoke arguing, he was kind of forced to stay awake, whether he wanted to or not.
"It's pronounced JIF, Kab, are you actually dumb?" Spoke shouted from the passenger seat. Ash had only let him sit there because Kab would start pressing random controls on the dashboard in an attempt to annoy him.
"YOU'RE the dumb one here, Spoke, as it is CLEARLY pronounced GIF. Like, that was OBVIOUS..." Kab retorted from the back seat. Ash looks up in the rear view mirror and she's leaning forwards so far that he can barely see Squiddo in the seat beside her, eyes glued to her Switch screen.
"Kab, sit back before I launch you backwards next time we move forward again." Ash's tone is flat. "On second thought, keep doing that. Won't be much of a loss, in my opinion."
"Hey, that's RUDE, Ash. As my friend, you should CARE about my safety..." Kab puts on an exaggerated pouty face but leans back against the seat.
"You should have known that leaning forwards like that was unsafe, anyway." Spoke tells her. "Oh wait, you wouldn't know, because you think GIF is pronounced GIF." He twists in his seat to face Kab, presumably smirking. And then they're arguing again. Ash sighs.
Their bickering is drowned out by police sirens wailing from behind them, and Ash has to pull onto the shoulder so that they can pass through. Thankfully, they don't seem to be after him, at least for today.
The cars file back into lane, and even move forwards a little bit, so Ash moves forwards too. He takes personal pleasure in the fact that he almost jolts Spoke out of his seat- he wasn't buckled up.
"Ash, stop randomly moving and then stopping. You'll fling me out of the fucking car." Spoke huffs, turning to face forwards again.
"That's your problem, you didn't want to buckle." Ash says gleefully. Spoke notices his smug grin and glares at him, before being drawn back into his argument by a biting remark from Kab.
Ash's phone, sitting in the space between his seat and Spoke's, starts ringing. It's the default ringtone- he's too lazy to change it- but the caller name says "Reddoons." He's driving one of the other cars- the Lifestealers are carpooling for this trip, to save money and because it's "good for the environment" (Jumper and Squiddo's words).
He reaches down and clicks the Answer button, lifting the phone to his ear while keeping one hand on the steering wheel. "Hi Redd."
"Hey Ash! So, uh, we're a little stuck in traffic. Queensboro Bridge, accident or whatever. How's everyone else?" Ash can barely hear him over the revving of cars, and he can't tell whether the noise is coming from around him or through the speaker either. Everyone moves forwards an inch on his lane, again almost sending Spoke flopping out of his seat. Ash ignores his vibrant cursing.
"Yeah, we're also stuck on the Queensboro. I dunno about anybody else, although they're probably dealing with the same shit, considering we're on the same route." Ash sighs. The glitches in his hair spike a little with his annoyance, and he smooths down the frizz. "Fucking New York City."
Redd chuckles. "Aight, this is gonna be a fun experience. Try not to die," he says before hanging up. Ash groans and lets his phone hand flop to his side, smacking his phone none too gently on plastic. It'll be fine- it's gone through worse.
He honks as, while moving forward, a car tries to merge in front of him. The car backs up and bumps the one behind it, which honks too. He's tempted to roll down the window and yell profanity at the guy, but that really wouldn't do anything in the wrong one.
"AHH, I finally beat this level!" Squiddo jumps up in their seat as much as their seatbelt will allow them to. Ash looks into the rear view mirror, sees Squiddo's giddy face, and rolls his eyes.
"Ooh, that's nice! I remember that one, hated it." Kab pauses the argument briefly to congratulate Squiddo, but returns back to yelling with just as much fervor as before.
"Oh my fucking god, are you guys DONE arguing yet?" Ash snaps at them. "Jif, gif, whatever. I do not fucking care, please stop talking before I actually fucking explode and crash the damn car."
"Jeez, sorry Ash." Spoke leans back in his seat. "I still say it's pronounced jif though."
"Hah, yeah keep convincing yourself of that. We all know I'm right..." Kab gives Spoke a toothy grin, leaning back casually with her arms crossed in a gesture of victory.
They can't be silent for 5 fucking minutes, Ash observes, as within 3 of those minutes they're back to arguing AGAIN. If he ever has to do this again, he'll launch himself off the Empire State Building.
"Hey, can you change the music?" Squiddo calls from the back, although the clamor of cars, shouting and Ash's glitches means Ash doesn't hear them the first time. "Ashhhh-"
"What." Ash glances into the rear view mirror, where Squiddo is looking expectantly up at him through her round magenta-orange hued sunglasses.
"Can you change the music?" They point to the car's radio- his car is like ten fucking years old, and the radio mirrors that age. (It still has a CD player- like who uses those anymore besides his grandma?)
Ash doesn't respond, instead scrolling through the stations for a little bit using one of the dials. Once it's set to a station that doesn't make him cringe with how old or happy it sounds, he moves forwards to appease the honking line of cars behind him.
"Ash, this music is EMO." Squiddo complains, and indeed, the radio is blasting the most unhinged, depressing music known to man.
"I'm emo, shut up." Ash turns up the volume ridiculously high, drowning out the shouts of Kab and Spoke a little more effectively, although they raise their voices over it anyway. The music is better than their stupid argument, at least.

─── ⋅☆⋅ ───

𝗮/𝗻: kinda short but my motivation is still digging its own grave lol ☆ bk

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