high rise hearts ☆ lifesteal smp au

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐘𝐂𝐑𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒 ✧✯

𝘁𝘆𝗽𝗲: normal oneshot (humor)
𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽𝘀: none (platonic zam + woogie)
𝘁𝘄: n/a
𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝘆: jeffyisdumb_0
𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁: a very silly party ruined by two very silly lil idiots having some fun

─── ⋅☆⋅ ───

𝐏𝐎𝐕: zam

Another day, another unhinged, crazy party. That was just how the Lifestealers worked, honestly. Zam knew this routine better than anyone, and as such, he was currently in charge of the party currently taking place within his apartment, as well as "in charge" of all the people who were currently enjoying spilling punch all over his carefully selected and arranged furniture and staining his pristine white carpet that he'd just replaced for the 5th time in the past month.
He didn't actually mind that much, although he made a point of complaining about it to his best friend Woogie, who was sitting beside him and sipping that damn punch as if it were hot tea. "I spent like 5 years trying to figure out a layout that would look nice in here, and all of a sudden my couch is upside down and across the living room and all my dining room chairs are stacked into a pillow fort!"
His friend chuckles, taking another quiet sip and brushing some of his wavy white hair out of his eyes. "Well, you kind of signed up for it... might as well join in?" He knew the idea of more chaos would appeal to Zam, as the one thing he liked more than watching problems occur was making problems occur, even if it meant trashing his own house. "Bet."
So they both stood up from the spare chairs set against the wall, rented for the party and probably never going to be returned. Woogie threw his empty punch cup on the floor and they started scouting for a good place to cause drama. The first place they noticed was the group of people singing karaoke in front of Zam's wide screen TV.
"Guys, lemme try!" Zam ran up to them, Woogie close at his heels, making grabby hands towards the microphone, currently held by Spoke. He was singing along to some Taylor Swift song, and the high pitch he was failing hurt his ears. "Your singing SUCKS, gimme!" Zam runs forward and attempts to snatch the mic from Spoke.
"I'm not DONE yet!" Spoke says, having not yet quite dropped out of his high-pitched voice. He yanks the mic away from Zam, but he grabs the wire and the two tug on it for a brief moment before Spoke's ankle glitches into the floor and he tilts sideways, flailing off-balance and allowing Woogie to grab the mic while he's distracted. The mic screeches loudly.
"Hey, not fair!" Spoke wills himself free and rights himself, lunging for Zam, but Woogie easily holds him back with one arm gripping the collar of his hoodie. "He's right, your singing does suck, so sit down." Giggles are already erupting from the group of people watching as Zam grabs the remote and starts scrolling through Youtube's selection of karaoke songs.
"Can you sing It's Been So Long??" This comes from Squiddo, who's wearing a wide grin as they point to an old video labeled as such. They're wearing a paper party hat with colorful stripes and plastic confetti in a pom-pom on top, and they're sitting next to Wemmbu, wearing a cosplay William Afton hat. It's obvious why they want a FNAF song.
"Uhh, sure-" Zam scrolls and clicks the video, then sets a remote down and starts to sing. To tell the truth, it isn't any better than what Spoke was singing, but Woogie knows he's intentionally trying to make it sound horrible.
The song gets to the chorus, and Zam sings like an octave higher than the intended pitch, as well as basically screaming into the microphone. Everyone behind them is already complaining and holding their hands over their ears, everyone except for Squiddo and Wemmbu, who are singing along like best buddies. Woogie's singing along too, quieter though. The microphone screeches again.
"Alright, who's making all this racket-" ClownPierce emerges from the entrance of one of the two pillow forts constructed in the spacious living room, his mask off to the side to reveal his obviously annoyed expression. Zam's still singing, so Woogie shouts over him: "WE'RE DOING KARAOKE!"
"Well, it's really trashy karaoke, turn it down." Clown crosses his arms over his chest in an attempt to look stern. "eXCUSE ME?!" Zam pauses the video and gives Clown an overexaggerated offended look. With how fast he spins to face him, he almost yanks the mic's wire out of the nearby speaker.
"That's right, you heard me. Trashy," Clown replies, smirking. "Oh, let's see YOU sing better then!" Zam grins and confidently holds out the mic to Clown. "Bet," he replies as he snatches the mic and switches the song to "Let it Go" by Frozen. There's a mixed reaction from the audience, with half groaning and half squealing with joy.
Sure enough, he starts singing, and it actually sounds okay, at least until Zam signals to Woogie and points at the speaker. Woogie creeps up to the speaker, and the second Clown gets to the chorus, he presses a button on the top. Instantly, Clown's voice is transformed into something that sounds akin to a baby attempting to wail Elsa lyrics, and everybody starts either laughing hysterically or complaining.
Clown, confused, pauses his singing and shakes out the microphone, which squeals again. With a curse, he covers his ears and starts pressing random buttons on the mic in an attempt to fix it, which does not work at all. The volume goes up, the volume goes down, it goes up again, then the mic starts blaring instructions in a robotic voice from the speaker, making Clown look increasingly frustrated.
Zam and Woogie giggle in the background, deeming this section of the party almost sufficiently ruined. Almost because before they walk off, Zam clicks a few more fun buttons on the speaker, and when Clown tries to sing again, he sounds not only high-pitched, but also robotic, autotuned and crunchy.
Unfortunately for the duo, Clown sees them running away, giggling, from the speaker. "Oh, so you're playing that game?" Soon enough, he's giving chase and Zam and Woogie are forced to scramble around the messy apartment to avoid the knife Clown now brandishes. It's a miracle that it wasn't his chainsaw, at least.
"Over there!" Zam points to one of the pillow forts, which could offer some sort of shelter. So they slide across the wooden floor and into the fort, nearly kicking the occupants. "Hey, screw off! This is OUR territory-" Flame is cut off by the point of a knife poking through one of the pillows, and all of a sudden everybody is panicking.
Clown removes his knife from the pillow and appears within the entryway, and in their haste to get out everybody pushes away the furniture that makes up the walls of the fort, causing it to collapse. Struggling under the falling blankets, Zam kicks the heavy fabric onto Clown's face and flees, dragging Woogie by the arm behind him.
The apartment is now filled with battle cries as the other Lifestealers draw their weapons to combat Clown. Zam lets out a yell of his own followed by hysterical laughter as he grabs one of his kitchen knives and charges along with everybody else. Woogie's beside him with a shotgun- Zam doesn't know where he got it but he doesn't feel like questioning it.
Quick as a flash, Clown sticks up his middle finger and dives towards the open balcony door, rolling off the edge. When Zam gets to the balcony, already scrambling up onto the railing to plummet after him, he's already gone, halfway down the block and getting into his car. A second later, it speeds down the block, screeching around the corner and out of sight.
With nobody left to chase, everybody else turns on each other, and as per usual, the apartment is littered with gunshots, blood splatters and severed body parts. In the middle of battling, Zam finds time to fist bump Woogie, a sort of "mission accomplished" celebration.

─── ⋅☆⋅ ───

𝗮/𝗻: thx for requesting! sorry if it wasn't up to standard, i did enjoy writing it tho :] ☆ bk

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 1391