Shadow | Huang Renjun

38

Laid flat on her back, Eunah hums quietly along to the low music coming from her bluetooth speaker.
She just got back from China, having come straight up to her bedroom after saying goodbye to everyone. The rest of the family is asleep, even Siho who's normally playing games at this time.

Her eyelids droop with exhaustion, a soft exhale leaving her bitten-pink lips as her arms come to rest over her face. The soft glow of her bedside lamp shines gold over her rounded features, a colour that has plagued her life for as long as she can remember.

Gold...
Everything has to be gold. Pure, expensive, perfect gold.

Not that she doesn't like gold. Gold is a nice colour. But everything around her has always involved it. Her eyes, the tips of an Archangel's wings, the details of every place in Heaven... all gold. Even the sun and lamps give her a warm, golden hue.

Sure, maybe diamonds are formed under pressure, but gold... to her, gold is the pressure.
Gold and white are Angel colours. Heaven's colours. Her colours.

White is the clean slate, the soft fluffiness of clouds rolling by and the innocence of children and love. She likes white a lot, outside of its role in her life.
Gold is... different.

Gold is Heaven's way of saying 'you're respected', 'you achieved something', you're special'.
The more gold you are, the more you're worth. The more your life matters.

It means perfection.

The Angel sits up, rubbing her eyes and hunching over with legs lazily crossed. She fiddles with a loose thread on her shorts, mind racing at what'd be unimaginable speeds to someone else.

Nobody's truly perfect, she knows that first-hand. So what does gold really mean?
Maybe she's overthinking, she always does, but something about it just really... bugs her.

She leans over to the bedside table, grabbing the notebook she left there when she got in. Flipping to the page with the poem, she scans it for a moment before putting the book down– sliding off her bed to grab some highlighters and a pen.

Eunah spends the next few hours poring over it, highlighting sections with extensive notes and theories about what they could mean. At some point, she makes herself a hot chocolate and proceeds to barely touch it until it's on the cooler end of lukewarm.
By the time she remembers its existence, she has to drink it all before it gets fully cold. Not the most appetising.

Her workflow pauses for a moment, extra unintelligible thoughts wiggling their way in amongst the rest like maggots in a decomposing corpse. She briefly frowns, certain she forgot something, before bolting upright from her slouched position.

She didn't tell them about the spying.

Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Should she message the group chat and ask to talk tomorrow? Call one of them and see if they're available now?
But they just got back and might be sleeping, so wouldn't it be the wrong time? Plus, Renjun didn't seem to feel too good, so it'd only make his mood worse, right?

Maybe she should just ask tomorrow. Preferably to speak in private.

~~~~

Tomorrow comes and the residents of Hell are nowhere to be seen.
Eunah messages the chat, asking where everyone is, but doesn't receive a response until lunch.

Jeno is sitting next to her, eating quietly, when she lets out a frustrated groan. He puts his chopsticks down, turning to her with a slight frown.

"What's wrong?"

"I... I wanted to talk to the others about the whole... spying thing today..." she mutters, twirling noodles with her own chopsticks.

"Oh, I see. Not going well?"

"They've been called for a meeting, and Jun said it's gonna last all day."

He hums, grabbing his water bottle to sip from.
"Why not tell them you want to talk when they're free? I'm sure if you text them now, it'll be much easier than waiting for the opportunity to ask in person."

The woman sighs, slurping up the portion of ramen she just wrangled.
"I guess you're right... I just didn't want to worry them with a cryptic message."

"Better than forgetting again?"

"Don't remind me..."

Taking Jeno's advice, Eunah sends a quick message asking to speak to the others when they're free. They read it, but don't respond, so she hopes they're just busy.

At her unchanging look of concern, Jeno gently rubs her back with his free hand.
"Don't worry too much, Eunie. I'm sure they'll prefer to hear it directly from you, even if they don't like what you're saying and feel a little betrayed."

"Way to make me feel worse..."

He exhales a soft laugh.
"Sorry. I just think it's much better for you to say it, than for them to find out on their own. Maybe they'll feel betrayed, maybe they'll be upset at you for a while. But at minimum, you'll have been honest– and it's not like you wanted to in the first place."

"I suppose..."

"Besides, even I don't know what's happening with the research, and I'm around you all quite a bit. Wouldn't you say that makes you trustworthy?"

"Maybe, but it's taken me this long to mention it... that's still gonna hurt. I haven't been giving out information for ages now, even before I made the decision to stop, but I just know they'll be upset with me for not saying right away."

He nods.
"Better late than never? Last I heard, you guys had some sort of potential clue from a book. That was months ago, so it can't be new information now."

"We'll just have to see, I guess..."

The rest of lunch was filled with other topics; including Jeno's new photography assignment, and the book Eunah is still writing.
She felt a lot better after discussing things with him, who she should probably treat to a dinner or something as thanks for being her rock recently. Chenle, too.

Her final lecture has just ended, so she's making her way to the library for some downtime with just her music and books. When she gets to her usual place with the beanbags, she finds Heesun reclining on the pile with her nose in a high-fantasy novel.

Upon spotting a familiar figure over the top of her book, Heesun glances up with a smile– lowering her headphones down to her neck.

"Hey, Eunah! Haven't seen you in a while, how are you?"

"It varies," the Angel answers honestly with a sigh, sitting next to her.
"You?"

The Human frowns.
"I'm all good. What happened?"

"Too many things, really. We'd be here all day if I explained it all."

"I've got time?"

"No, it's– I wouldn't want to get you wrapped up in it all. Too many consequences."

"Well, I'll always be happy to help if you want it," Heesun hums, soft smile warm and inviting.

Truth be told, she seems to be the only Human besides Sohee who treats Supernaturals like normal people. Everyone else is either disgusted or in awe, and some will just outright avoid them.
Heesun doesn't seem to care what you are, as long as you're a nice person.

Eunah wishes more people could be like that.

"Thanks, Heesun..."

"No problem. D'you wanna hear about this book I'm reading?"

Instantly distracted, Eunah nods with eyes shining excited gold.
"Ooh, I'd love to!"

Heesun grins, pausing the music and putting her headphones away before launching into an explanation.
The women laugh and joke about the characters and plot, lost in conversation about a hobby they both share.

Maybe Eunah should relax more. This is nice.