Breaking free

Episode 45

It's been a week since Baba's death and things have been all over the place. Mummy is trying to act strong for us but I know she is also going to break soon. Rania is a mix of emotions, she is battling between Qadr ( Fate) and losing her dad but at least she is finding a way to cope not like me. I feel as though my world has stopped and everyone is moving on, finding something to hold unto amidst all the chaos.

The person I'm worried about is Hamma Shehu, he hasn't said anything about Baba since he passed away and other than the day I saw him, I haven't seen him again. I would say out of all my siblings, he was the closest to Baba. He wanted to be like him so bad, anything he did, he would always try to make Baba proud of him. Even though he is the quiet one, he has a way of communicating with his dad through silence and I feel since now no one can understand the silence anymore, it is going to consume him and that's what I fear.

I'm currently at home and I just sent food for Mummy because she has began her Idda period (The period where you have to be at home for 90 days when your husband dies). I've been calling people back and replying to messages that I have been receiving, I just finished calling all the people back and I'm exhausted.

" Maama Oga na kiran ki a kasa." Fauziya came into my living room. ( Maama Sir is calling you downstairs)

" Ina zuwa." I replied fixing the pillows on the floor and putting them back on the couch. I carried my phone and made my way down the stairs.

He was watching Football on the TV and I rolled my eyes because this ball makes my head hurt, I stood by the door and stared at him.

" Naam?" I said crossing my hands.

" Come." He pat the space next to him and I sat down, resting my head on his shoulder.

" I'm tired." I said in a low voice and he began massaging my head gently. I closed my eyes and began falling asleep. I haven't slept well in a week because whenever I sleep, I get a bad dream so I force myself not to sleep.

Bamanga seems to understand what is going on and has been such a peaceful baby. The twins on the other hand have been a handful, today this one beat this one, tomorrow this one called the other one ugly so I've been trying to handle them, and myself all together.

I opened my eyes and remembered to call back Anti. She called me earlier when I was sleeping and I know if I call her back now, she will definitely ask me why I didn't pick up.

I called her twice but the second time, she picked.

" Assalamu Alaikum. Ina wuni." I cleared my throat to get rid of the sleep evident in my voice.

" Amu Alaikum salam. Lafiya, ya hakuri?" She replied.

" Alhamdullilah." I said

" Ina kika wurga wayan ki, ina ta kiran dazu" She said and I sighed. ( Where did you throw your phone, I've been calling you since)

" Na dan kwanta ne." I replied.( I was sleeping)

" Sleeping by 9am kuma, your husband fa, I know he wakes up early so ya kika yi da shi. Muma ai uban ya rasu, that doesn't mean your life has ended, he has died, so what!" She started yelling at me on the phone and at this point, all the emotions just came out. ( Us too our dad has died)

" Anti with all due respect, stay out of my business. You have no right to tell me how to live in my own house, is he complaining to you? no, then stay in your lane and I stay in mine. And please don't speak about my father like that." I spat and got off from Ahmad's shoulder, he was giving me a confused look.

" Are you talking to me like that?" She said and I hissed.

" Yes I am, I am fed up. Kin kaini bango yau, I will not tolerate this. Goodbye." I said and ended the call.( You've pushed me to the wall)