Breaking free

Episode 54

" Amira please water and my AirPods." I carried the cooler containing Chips and egg sauce with cramelized sausages to the dining room.

Hamma Sultan asked us if we can make him breakfast, I don't think Hawau made it for him and we haven't seen her since yesterday.

" Thank you Hameedah and Amira. Sit with me." He said and we all sat down. We sat in silence as we were all on our phones. We didn't even notice when Hawau came in and knelt before Hamma Sultan, crying and begging for forgiveness.

As an ex-wife, if I was still married, I would never kneel down on my own to my husband. I know something similar happened but I feel there should be respect between them, she is not his slave.

" Babe I'm so sorry for everything, Dan Allah kayi hakuri." She held his knee as she scooted closer to him. He didn't reply her and continued eating.

" Please Babe, I'm sorry." She said again. It seemed he was getting riled up by her silly antics so I and Amira carried our plates and went to the kitchen to finish our food.

" Amira I can't stay in this house no more, I'm clearly an obstacle in their marriage whether I like it or not and I won't be put to blame when everything comes crashing down. You were in the toilet when Hamma Shehu called me, shouting at me that Hawau is complaining about so and so and that I should respect my self and live peacefully with them. What have I done tun da nazo? She has been picking a fight with me since and I can't anymore." I breathed out.

" Kiyi Hakuri hams, I think the best thing is for you to come with me back to Umma's house." She said and I nodded. She helped me pick my things and I came down with my suitcase as we approached the living room, it seemed they still weren't done with their argument because the living room was tense.

" Hamma, I think it's better if I leave with Amira." I said.

" Why?" He asked like he was irritated.

" Um-" I began talking when Amira cut me off.

" Umma wants us to spend the night with her before Hameedah goes back, that's why." I was confused why she said that but realized that if I told him the real reason, he wouldn't let me go.

" Oh but you should've informed me before but it's okay." He said wiping his face with his palm and breathing out.

He turned to his wife and said some thing to her which we didn't hear. He took my suitcase and walked out of the house towards the cars. I looked at Hawau and left the house. It took us a few minutes to get to Umma's house and as soon as he dropped my suitcase in front of Umma's living room, he left.

We spent the rest of the day at Umma's and some of our cousins came around to also sleep so it was a big sleepover. Umma called me to her room around 11pm and I was shocked that she was still awake.

I entered her room and sat on the couch in the closest where she was bringing out something.

" Umma I'm shocked you're not asleep." I rubbed my hands together because the room was cold. Her closet was rose gold and it was so pretty, she had many clothes and jewelry that I admired since when I was younger.

" Yes, I had some things to do and I wanted to talk to you." She said and looked at me briefly before bringing out an album.

She sat on the lush white carpet and I lowered down to sit with her. She opened it and it was a picture of a baby, a very beautiful baby.

" Umma who is this? A gorgeous baby Allahumma Barik." I cooed at the picture.

" It's Ahmad." She replied and the smile on my face disappeared.

" What happened." She chuckled a bit when she saw my frown.

" Nothing." I mumbled.

" You know I'm the one that stayed with his mother for a week and gave her a bath after she gave birth to him." She said and I looked at her.

" His mum was a brave and forgiving woman. After child birth, her husband's family came to her house and spent 4 whole months in her house. They insulted her for asking for a house help or some form of help. She had to take care her newborn who was sick all time, and 4 of her husband's family members with their kids. She had to cook, clean all alone and she never complained. I still remember the day I went to Abuja and decided to stop by her house. The house was like gidan aure Hameedah. She was washing Ahmad's clothes while cooking in a big pot outside and also taking care of some of the other kids. My heart broke for her. I began crying and told her to gather her things, I was going to leave with her. The family members didn't care at all and that's how I left with her to her father's house. I made her tell me all that was going on, my tears intensified with every sentence she told me. I explained to her father about what's going on and he decided that his daughter wasn't going back to that house. It took a lot from both families to convince her dad to let her go back. She finally went back and everything changed in a good way Alhamdullilah." Umma said going through the first pages of the Album. It seemed to be pictures of Ahmad's family.

" Ahmad grew up and his mum didn't realize that she was loosing her son slowly. He went off to school and by the time he came back, he barely knew his mum and she slowly rained all her frustrations and anger on him. Something happened that I can't share with you because she confided in me but it ruined her relationship with him. He stopped coming home and developed depression. That family had lots of trauma attached to them without realizing."

" Umma why are you telling me this?" I blinked back the tears. I don't know why I'm being emotional.

" I know Ahmad did you very dirty, and I'm glad you got out but I don't want you to hate him. If he had gotten the help he needed since from the beginning, he wouldn't be going through this. It got worse and I blame his parents for not sitting you down and explaining it to you. You went it blind and came out raw."

" I did Umma. Umma there is not a day that I don't cry. I miss him but he has caused me so much pain. Some that I will never get over, I see some in my dreams Umma. It haunts me and all my head is telling me is ' go back to him ' I can't catch a break. I can't grieve well. Today it's this, tomorrow is that." I said sniffing.

" Faduma, you need to feel. All those feelings are filled inside you and the day it will explode, won't be a good day. You need time. I think you need to sit down and speak with him. Settle everything, forgive each other, let go and that will be the only thing that will make that heaviness in your heart go away." She rubbed my chest and I closed my eyes.

" I've tried to talk to him but every time I see him, I'm back to our bedroom, vulnerable, scared, insulted, angry, broken. I can't seem to forget it that's why I want to give myself time first to process before I'm able to have a mature conversation with him." I spoke and she hugged me.

" You will never be back in that position my love. Take your time like I always say and I'm always here for you. When you eventually have that conversation, state your rules and your likes and dislikes with co-parenting, it's definitely not going to be easy but you'll get the hang of it Insha Allah. And don't forget to listen to his own. May Allah be with you in making the right decision." She caresses my hair gently.

" I will Umma. Insha Allah, Ameen. Thank you for this sosai, I really needed this." I said.

" Anytime Baby na." She kissed my forehead. I love Umma so so much.

We looked at more pictures and since I was leaving tomorrow, she gave me more gifts, for my siblings and for Mummy. I went back to our room and some of them had already fallen asleep. I put the things in my suitcase and climbed onto the bed. Amira was on a call with her boyfriend so I dropped my phone and fell asleep.

Haven't updated in a while.

I'm so sorryyyy.

More chapters Insha Allah.