Then there was you

56

3 years later

Zac and I have been going through it lately. I love this man with all of me but we haven't been seeing eye to eye lately. I'm honestly feeling unfulfilled and not in me being his wife or the mother to our kids but somewhere along the line I lost myself again. And as much as this is not the same as it was with Ian because Zac sees me, it honestly feels the same. I feel like I need space and time to find Fatima again and he on the other hand would love to have another baby.

After Ziva I decided to cool off on having kids because I felt stretched thin. I wanted to returned back to work but I only part-time so I could be the best mommy and wife. Zac is a very present father but I feel like he isn't around during the day when I have to struggle with the tantrums or the kids being sick cause he goes to the office to escape. I'm a mom 24/7 there is no off time for me.

I've tried to explain to him why having another kid is a bad idea but he just thinks I'm full of shit. I feel like he isn't trying to understand where I'm coming from. I also feel like I have no one besides Sasha to talk too. Sure I can speak to my older daughters but that's still our kids and even though they're grown they shouldn't be worried about what's happening in their parents marriage.

Sasha being a new mom and wife partially gets where I'm coming from, she understands the constant pressure I'm under to take care of everyone else before myself. I live by my famous words  that "I'm a mom first before anything else". My sister has been my rock during these past few months while Zac and I were at odds with one another.

I honestly miss my husband, I miss his kisses, I miss his touch. Shit I'm starving for his touches and kisses and it's been over 5 months that we've had sex. Mind you Zac and I are sexual beings we would do it all day everyday so I'm sexually frustrated as fuck and my rose is not doing the job properly. We haven't kissed in almost 4 months, the mere fact that I can't or don't feel comfortable enough to kiss my man tears my heart apart because we should've never been in this space. We're fucking Zac and Fatima soulmates forever, we move and work through our shit. We're basically just co-parenting Zavier and Ziva, I moved out of our bedroom a couple of months ago. I needed space and time from all of the bad vibes and arguments. Initially I wanted to get a new place to stay but I also didn't want to break up my kids home. So now we're co-existing in the same house, if it's not about the kids we don't have shit to say to one another. He is still being an amazing father though I have to give him some praise for that. He comes home every night on schedule to have dinner with his family and he gets Zavier ready for bed while I get Ziva ready then we do a bedtime story and tuck in as a family. In the mornings he gets the kids ready up while I make breakfast and we have breakfast as a family.

The older kids never come home these days, Zoey and Trent eventually got back together and the two are doing very well. She's kicking ass in digital marketing and creative directing. After graduating Zuri moved back to Atlanta, got her real estate license and started working with Zac. Sadly instead of moving in back home she decided to stay at her apartment. She and Zac having been kicking ass in the Real estate market. Junior now officially live in DC and he's been working hard and taking over the Wilson legacy which is making our family extremely proud. My parents got him his beautiful home and my baby boy is a whole home owner. Everyone's lives are extremely busy and with Zac and I being at odds with each other our kids decided to give us space to work through our things. I do have bi-weekly mommy daughters with the girls though.

My mom is still big on family get togethers so once a month we fly to DC for a weekend to do that. Zac and I just steer clear of one another while we're in DC. I spend time with the girls and he catches up with the boys. When the little ones need us we get together for them but we're cool off one another.