FLOWER BOY

CHAPTER TEN

"Kassia, you don't want to just... rest a bit?"

India was worried about her friend.

She wasn't eating properly.

She wasn't sleeping properly.

She just kept working like a robot.

She was just different. She had never seen Kassia like this, she was unrecognisable. Taemin had begged her not to leave Kassia alone but, he wouldn't tell her why. He seemed very worried about her.

And she didn't understand why Kassia didn't want to speak to him. She completely shut down every time she was asked.

She had been like this for weeks now.

"India please, for the millionth time, I'm fine- I just need to finish this."

Kassia closed her eyes momentarily trying to fight off the nausea and dizziness. The words on the screen were starting to muddle together and she was struggling to push through.

She was exhausted.
...

Dear Kassia, you seem exhausted. I haven't seen you smile in a while. I hope you're doing okay. I hope you're not lonely carrying everything by yourself. I hope this cactus gives you energy.

Yours Truly, Flower Boy

Kassia held the potted small cactus smiling slightly.

She hadn't had many reasons to smile lately but, Flower Boy was still the best part of her days. These days he had been more constant, delivering different flowers and notes asking her to smile.

Kassia just felt miserable.

She had pushed away everyone who could be a distraction. She was used to doing that all her life yet this time, it felt like she couldn't breathe.

Studying hadn't been fun to her for many years.

When she was younger, she was proud to be considered a genius. But as she got older, the title came with expectations. Her mother wanted her to be the best and everyone just kept saying she could do it.

Kassia felt herself crumbling under everything each time.
...

Kassia couldn't take the headache anymore.

She closed her eyes just laying her head on the wooden table. The library was too cold and way too bright.

She closed her eyes but only for a second. She just needed ten minutes... no, just five minutes.

As Kassia slept, Taemin draped his coat over her head. He was just in the library looking for a book on water plants and happened to see her.

He wondered why she wouldn't speak to him.

He didn't remember doing anything wrong to her. He was hurt if he was honest but, he could tell she was going through a lot.

He just missed her smile.
...

"Oh gosh- did I fall asleep? Damn it!"

Kassia gasped looking at the time on her phone. She had been asleep for an hour and a half. That was way longer than the five minutes she had allocated to this.

She sighed trying to massage the migraine out of her head.

She touched the hood on her head realising that a jacket was dropped over her. A soft fabric softener scent eased her nerves a bit.

It was very familiar.

But she was struggling to remember who she had seen wearing it.

She looked up in a bit of shock as a bottle of water and a freshly made sandwich were placed in front of her. Taemin shifted a bit uncomfortably before sitting in front of her.

He just wanted to be around her.

"So... there's this really cool place on campus where they make fresh sandwi- I mean the bread is freshly made and the owner said he really missed his favourite customer so... I promised him to deliver this sandwich straight to her. You have to really eat it or he'll be sad."

Kassia stared at the sandwich bursting into tears.

She was tired. She was hungry. She wanted a nap. She was tired of studying. She was stressed. She missed her friends. She missed Taemin.

She just really... really needed a hug.
...

"Is your headache better?"

Kassia hummed softly with her eyes still closed. Maybe she was milking it... just a tad. But right now she got Taemin to hold her, no questions asked.

She was allowed to be a little needy.

Or a lot needy.

Taemin didn't know what to do when she started crying so, he suggested she came to his dorm to calm down.

He didn't know when he started holding her but, it felt pretty normal. She was even tinier in his arms but, he really liked it. He liked the feeling of holding someone he liked.

He just really liked Kassia.

"It's just tingling," she complained in an exaggerated manner.

But Taemin simply smiled pulling the cover to shield her more from the nonexistent light in his room.

"Kassia... why are you doing this to yourself? The excessive studying- you're not- I don't see you as happy anymore."

"Because... I have to be perfect," she explained trying to bury herself more on his chest. "I have to always be on top- I have to be- because I can't stop-"

"But you're already so perfect."

"My mum doesn't think I am- she thinks I'm fat- she thinks I can work harder, she thinks I can be better-"

"She's crazy," Taemin fumed rolling his eyes.

"Taemin!"

"You're not fat and you work hard enough already. If she can't see that, then she's blind."

Kassia bit her lip looking at him, "but... if I don't want to be ungrateful... she worked so hard for me-"

"You can only do so much to please people Kassia. And... I hate seeing you like this - next time you're going through a hard time, please tell me." he countered softly kissing the top of her head.

"But, I want her to be happy..."

"But what about you? What makes you happy? What do you want to do? If you just focus on your mother, you won't see the things that make you happy."

To Kassia, it was like Taemin's words helped her breathe.

She had been made to think for so long that it was selfish to just want to do what she wanted. Sometimes, she just wanted to be reassured that it was not the case.

Kassia didn't hate bioengineering. She liked the way it challenged her. She did enjoy being the best to some extent and she wasn't afraid to compete. She liked how simple bioengineering was to understand as well.

However, Kassia hated the pressure her mom put on her.

And she liked other things as well. But she couldn't do them because her mother disapproved.

"You know," she started quietly barely above a whisper, "I always thought I was going to college to study Film."

"As a film director," he asked resting his head on top of hers. "What type of films would you make?"

And that night, Taemin listened attentively whilst Kassia told him about all the things she wanted to do.