The Past Within - Mialotte - TNN

The first vacation

Based on a true story

The following week, Charlotte found herself back in her therapist's office, the familiar space offering a sense of calm and safety. The soft lighting and comfortable furnishings made it a place where she could open up and explore her thoughts without judgment.

Her therapist, a kind and attentive woman with a soothing presence, smiled gently as Charlotte settled into her usual spot on the couch. "How have you been since our last session, Charlotte?" she asked, her tone encouraging.

Charlotte took a deep breath, her thoughts drifting back to her childhood. "I've been okay," she began, her voice soft. "But there's something I've been thinking about a lot since our last session. It's about the first vacation we took without my dad."

The therapist nodded, inviting Charlotte to continue.

"It was the summer after he left," Charlotte said, her eyes distant as she recalled the memory. "I was seven, and my sister Steph was fourteen. My mom decided we needed to get away, so she took us to the beach. It was supposed to be a chance to escape and find some normalcy, but it was anything but normal."

Charlotte paused, trying to find the right words. "The beach had always been a place of happiness for us. We used to go there as a family, all of us together, playing in the sand, building castles, and swimming in the ocean. But this time, it was different. My mom was trying so hard to keep it together for us, but I could tell she was struggling. There was this sadness in her eyes that she couldn't hide, no matter how much she tried to smile for us."

The therapist listened intently, her expression compassionate and understanding.

"Steph and I...we both felt it, the emptiness," Charlotte continued, her voice growing quieter. "I didn't understand it fully at the time, but I knew something was wrong. We tried to make the best of it—played in the sand, went swimming, ate ice cream—but it was like this invisible weight was hanging over us."

Charlotte's voice wavered slightly as she remembered how her sister had stepped up to fill the void left by their father. "Steph was amazing, though. She tried so hard to make it fun for me, distracting me with games and stories. She even helped me collect seashells along the shore, just like Dad used to do with us. But I could see that she was struggling too. It was as if she had taken on the role of protector, trying to shield me from the reality that our family was broken."

Her therapist leaned forward slightly, her voice gentle. "How did that make you feel, Charlotte, seeing your sister take on that responsibility?"

Charlotte took a moment to think. "It made me feel safe, but also guilty. I was too young to understand everything, but I knew that Steph was carrying a burden she shouldn't have had to bear. I felt like I should have been able to help her, but I didn't know how. I just...I just wanted things to go back to the way they were."

She sighed, the weight of those memories pressing down on her. "That vacation was supposed to be an escape, but it ended up being a reminder of how much had changed. Even the ocean, which I had always loved, felt different. It was like the waves were crashing down harder, and the sand was rougher beneath my feet. It was the same beach, but nothing felt the same."

Her therapist gave her a moment to gather her thoughts before speaking. "It sounds like that vacation was a significant turning point for you, Charlotte. A time when you began to realize that things had changed, and there was no going back to the way things were."

Charlotte nodded, her eyes misty with unshed tears. "Yeah, it was. It was the first time I really felt the loss of my dad, not just physically but emotionally too. And seeing my mom and Steph struggle made it even harder. I think that's when I started to build these walls around myself, trying to protect myself from feeling too much."