The Past Within - Mialotte - TNN

I'll be better

In her next therapy session, Charlotte sits across from Dr. Peterson, her hands tightly clasped in her lap. She can't seem to keep still, her foot tapping restlessly against the floor. She'd been dreading this session ever since the call came in about Jemma. The news should have filled her with nothing but excitement, but instead, it had stirred up an unexpected wave of anxiety and doubt.

"You seem a bit on edge today, Charlotte," Dr. Peterson says, her tone gentle but knowing. "Do you want to talk about what's going on?"

Charlotte takes a deep breath, forcing herself to meet Dr. Peterson's eyes. "Yeah," she says, her voice a little shaky. "I, uh... I got the call that Mia and I are approved to foster Jemma. She's coming to live with us on Saturday."

Dr. Peterson gives her a warm smile. "That's wonderful news. How are you feeling about it?"

Charlotte lets out a slow exhale. "I'm nervous. Really nervous."

The words feel like an understatement. She's not just nervous, she's terrified. The idea of being responsible for a little girl, especially one who had just lost her parents, weighed heavily on her mind.

"I want to be a good mom," Charlotte continues, her voice tightening as she tries to hold back her emotions. "But I'm scared I'll mess it up. I... I don't want to be like my mom."

Dr. Peterson leans forward slightly, her expression soft and understanding. "Why do you feel that way? What makes you think you might repeat the patterns of your own mother?"

Charlotte presses her lips together, thinking about the years of silence and distance between her and her mother. "My mom..." she starts, her voice shaking. "She didn't know how to be there for me. Not after my dad left, not when things got tough with my ex, and certainly not after the... the attack." She looks down at her hands, picking at her nails. "I know she did her best, but it was never enough. She never made me feel safe. I never felt like I could count on her."

She pauses, her throat tight with emotion. "I don't want Jemma to feel like that. I want her to know, without a doubt, that I'm there for her, and that Mia and I will give her the love she needs. But I keep wondering—what if I'm not enough?"

Dr. Peterson listens closely, her face kind but thoughtful. After a moment, she asks, "What makes you think you won't be enough? You've made so much progress, Charlotte. You're self-aware, you're committed to providing love and stability for Jemma. Why do you doubt yourself?"

Charlotte frowns, her mind racing. "Because... what if I screw up? What if I can't handle it? She's been through so much already—losing her parents, and being put in foster care. I don't want to make things worse for her."

Dr. Peterson's voice remains steady. "What would it mean to you, to be a good mother to Jemma?"

Charlotte pauses, considering the question. "It means... being present. It means listening to her and loving her no matter what. It means giving her the kind of childhood I wish I had."

"And you're already doing that," Dr. Peterson reminds her gently. "You're already thinking about how to provide a safe, loving environment for Jemma. That's the first step. And you won't be alone—you have Mia by your side."

Charlotte nods, taking that in, but the nerves still linger. "I just... I promised myself I'd be better than my mom. I can't let Jemma down."

"You won't," Dr. Peterson says firmly. "You've already shown that you're different. The fact that you're here, talking about your fears, shows how much you care about doing the right thing. Being a good parent doesn't mean never making mistakes—it means being willing to learn and grow, to do your best even when things are hard. And I see that in you."