The Past Within - Mialotte - TNN

Words haunt

TW: Fatphobia and self-harm

Based on a true story

The following week, Charlotte returned to her therapist's office, feeling the familiar mix of anticipation and anxiety. The room, with its soft lighting and calm atmosphere, had become a safe space for her, a place where she could unravel the knots of her past. Dr. Peterson, always attentive and patient, sat across from her, ready to listen.

After a moment of silence, Dr. Peterson asked gently, "What would you like to focus on today, Charlotte?"

Charlotte hesitated, her gaze drifting to the window. She'd been carrying a specific memory all week, one that she knew she needed to confront. Taking a deep breath, she began, her voice tinged with vulnerability.

"I've been thinking a lot about my childhood," she said softly. "Particularly about the way my mom and grandmother used to talk to me about my weight."

Dr. Peterson's expression remained neutral, offering Charlotte the space she needed to express herself. "Can you tell me more about that?" he encouraged.

Charlotte nodded, though her words came slowly as if they were difficult to say out loud. "I was always a bit bigger than the other kids growing up. Not overweight, but not as slim as my mom or my sister. My grandmother was especially harsh about it. She constantly told me that I was fat, that I needed to lose weight if I ever wanted to be 'pretty' like them."

She paused, the memories clearly painful, before continuing. "My mom wasn't as blunt, but she wasn't much better. She'd constantly suggest diets, and encourage me to watch what I was eating. It felt like... I could never just be enough for them, no matter what I did."

Dr. Peterson nodded, his expression filled with understanding. "How did hearing those things from your mother and grandmother make you feel?"

Charlotte sighed, her voice trembling slightly. "It made me feel like I wasn't good enough like something was fundamentally wrong with me. I started to believe that my worth was tied to how I looked, to my weight. Even when I got older and lost weight, it didn't make me feel any better because I was always chasing this impossible standard they set."

Dr. Peterson leaned in slightly, his tone gentle but probing. "It sounds like those comments not only affected how you saw yourself physically but also impacted your sense of self-worth."

Charlotte nodded, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Yeah, they did. It's something I've carried with me for so long. Even now, I struggle with it. I try to remind myself that I'm more than just my appearance, but it's hard to drown out those voices telling me otherwise."

Dr. Peterson offered a supportive smile. "It's completely understandable that these experiences would still affect you. But the fact that you're recognizing and talking about them now is a significant step toward healing. Remember, you are more than the words they said to you—you are valuable and worthy just as you are."

Charlotte swallowed hard, the heaviness of those old wounds still pressing on her heart. "I know that logically," she admitted, her voice firmer but still laced with pain. "But emotionally, it's a battle. Especially when I still hear those voices in my head."

Dr. Peterson nodded. "That's why we're here, to work through those feelings and help you change that internal narrative. It's a process, but by acknowledging it, you've already taken the first step. Together, we can work on building a healthier and more positive self-image."

Charlotte hesitated, the memories still raw despite the years that had passed. "It's been... hard. I realized that their comments did more than just make me feel bad about myself. They also contributed to something else—my self-harm."