The Past Within - Mialotte - TNN

The last time

 TW talks of self-harm and suicide 

Based on a true story

In her next therapy session, Charlotte sat in silence, her fingers fiddling with the edge of her sleeve, unsure of what to talk about. Dr. Peterson watched her patiently, waiting for her to find the words. After a few minutes, the therapist gently broke the silence.

"How about we talk about the day you stopped self-harming?" Dr. Peterson asked, her voice soft but encouraging.

Charlotte's breath hitched slightly, her mind was instantly transported back to that night. She hadn't talked about it in detail before, but she knew it was a significant turning point.

"It was about two months before my 18th birthday" Charlotte hesitated for a long moment, letting the silence stretch between her and Dr. Peterson. Her mind spun, pulling her back to that night—the night everything could have ended, but didn't.

"It was so dark," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "That night... I remember it felt like I was suffocating, even before I got into the water. The weight of everything... my breakup with Cassy, the fights with my mom about who I was, her constant comments about my body. It was all just too much." She rubbed her hand over her leg, feeling the old scars beneath the fabric of her pants, reminders of a time when the pain was both internal and external.

Dr. Peterson leaned forward slightly. "Take your time."

Charlotte nodded, drawing a shaky breath. "I filled the tub, not thinking much about it. I'd done it so many times before, just letting the water cover me, hoping it would drown out the noise in my head. But that night was different. I wasn't just trying to escape for a moment—I wanted it all to end. I just... couldn't see a way out anymore."

Her voice quivered as she continued, the memory of that night unfolding like a scene from a distant, painful movie. "I remember slipping down under the water, and for a second, everything was quiet. The noise in my head, the pain in my chest—it all stopped. It felt... peaceful. And I thought, 'Maybe this is it. Maybe this is how I make it stop for good.'"

Dr. Peterson watched her intently, her eyes filled with compassion but also focused, ready to guide Charlotte through this difficult moment.

"And then... the phone rang," Charlotte said, her voice barely a whisper. She could still hear it, echoing through the water like a lifeline cutting through the silence. "'Warrior' by Demi Lovato. It's stupid, really, but hearing that song—it was like the universe was telling me I wasn't done. That I still had a fight left in me."

Charlotte closed her eyes for a moment, picturing the scene. The song's opening lyrics flooded her mind, powerful and haunting.

"I shot up out of the water so fast," Charlotte continued, her voice trembling. "I was gasping for air, all I could think about was Steph, how much she'd been there for me, how she'd always been my rock even when things were falling apart at home. I couldn't leave her. I couldn't let her find me like that."

Tears began to fall, and Charlotte made no effort to stop them this time. Dr. Peterson handed her a tissue but remained silent, letting Charlotte process the emotions coursing through her.

"I thought about all the times she held me while I cried, all the times she sang me songs to make me feel better. She was the only person who really understood me. I couldn't let her down."

Dr. Peterson spoke softly, her voice gentle. "It sounds like you found a reason to stay that night. A reason to keep fighting, even when it felt impossible."

Charlotte nodded. "I did. Steph... she was my reason. And I think in that moment, I realized I didn't want to die. I just wanted the pain to stop. But it's hard to remember that sometimes. It's hard to see past the hurt when you're drowning in it."