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wildflower-billie eilish 'i should put it all behind me, shouldn't i?
nessa sat back down and watched the game, zoning out every so often. lynn sat on the bench the whole time, something she guessed she wasn't very happy about. still they won with 2 goals. eva offered that they could give her a ride back, but she declined. a sigh escaped her mouth as she saw her airpods was on 32%, meaning they probably would die before she got home.
walking back she decided to take the longest way. even if this meant she got to listen through evermore for the 50th time that week, it also meant she had to walk past the loud house. she just hoped they weren't home yet, but again, there was 11 of them so the chances that none of them were home were extremely low.
the relief she felt when she saw that the garden was empty and that she didn't need to see any of them made her shoulders feel lighter. her eyes were glued to her feet, tapping her fingers along the beat of 'no body, no crime' through her left airpod. the second she looked up, her half decent mood was killed as she was met with a familiar face walking towards her. she turned on her heel instantly, in hope that she didn't see her, but heard her name get called out right after.
"vanessa, wait!" luna caught up to her after a few seconds, reaching for her arm to stop her. "don't even try to say anything, lynn can come herself and speak if she wants something" nessa pulled back her arm, trying to walk away again, uninterested in talking to anyone connected to lynn in any way. "i promise you, lynn didn't send me. i'm on my way home from band practise" she pointed to her guitarcase that was very hard not to notice, forcing nessa to belive her.
"can you please tell me what happened? lynn won't talk" luna instantly regretted her choice of words as it sounded like she only used her to get an answer. "well, i won't either" nessa spat out, feeling herself grow angry just by the mention of her name. "vanessa!" she heard luna shout behind her, but ignored it. she stood by every word that left her mouth.
she was now headed the wrong way with no idea where to go, on the verge of tears for the 2nd time that day and almost dead airpods. great.
the first and only place that came to mind was the house she was at earlier that day. eva's. she was impressed she actually managed to hold back her tears. well, at least until eva opened the door, her face imidiatley getting filled with concerned as she saw the girl in front of her.
"what's wrong" she asked, dragging her into her house. nessa couldn't get a single word out before salt streams started flowing down her cheeks. eva led her up to her bedroom and sat them both down on her bed, letting her cry into her shoulder. there was nothing she could really do other than hold her. and so she did.
after a while, nessa's sobs died down and eva tried asking her again. "whats wrong, n?" nessa wiped her cheeks, seeing the black staining onto them and could only imagine how she looked. "lynn" she whispered, surprised by how steady her voice seemed to be. "she's everywhere and seeing her all the time makes me crazy" nessa said, fideling with her fingeres like she usually did when talking to someone about things she found uncomforable or embarrassing to share. "there's a part of me that wants her back, but i also want to die everytime i see her" she continued, but this time her voice broke.
eva gave a sympathic look. "she really believes i told everybody" that sentence stung more to say out loud than to think and she really started to regret going, because talking about it felt like someone was ripping up the stitches, ruining all the progress she had made at healing. "have you talked to her?" nessa nodded. "yeah"
"like over text or in person?" eva wasn't sure how much she could ask, but nessa came there after all. she kinda had to talk now. "in person, she blocked me on everything" nessa looked her in the eye for a second, but quickly moving her gaze onto something else, remembering how stupid she must've looked with the mascara trails on her cheeks.
"what did she say?" nessa hesitated a little, not sure what to tell since it was quite a lot. "that i wasn't who she thought i was and that she doesn't love me anymore" she really didn't feel like mentioning the fact that this had happened more than once, so she said it like it was all in one conversation.
the memory of lynn kept appearing in the back of her mind. all the happiness she brought her seemed to weigh out for all the pain she was putting her through now, but still she was left with a feeling that the wound lynn left was always going to bleed just a little.
"i can't hate her" nessa whispered, blinking fast to stop the tears from spilling. "no one's asking you to hate her" eva put her arm around her besfriends shoulder, leaning her head against hers.
"it's ok to be sad about it" eva said, but nessa wasn't just sad, sad was an understatement. she was heartbroken. her whole body longed to feel lynn's touch again. her warm hands on her waist and their lips that connected so perfectly together. she always had a tiny feeling that it was to good to be true. she often did when she got what she wanted. what was different from this time from the others were that she actually was right.
"you can always come to me, i'll listen to you all day" eva's smile only grew seeing that there was one on nessa's lips as well. "thank you, e"
after luna's band practise, she decided to give talking to lynn one final go, even tho she knew it was most likely going to fail. obviously she didn't bother knocking and and saw lynn shooting a ball into a hoop hanging on her wall.
"oh no, go away" was the first thing she said when she saw who walked in. "what?" luna said confused, closing the door behind her. lynn gave a knowing look, not joining her to sit down on her bed. "i already know why you're here" she said, picking up the ball from the floor. "i didn't even say anything" the shorthaired girl defended. "well, then why are you here?" lynn threw the ball in once more, waiting for an answer, but groaned when she saw her older sister smile innocently. "go away"
luna ignored the clear annoyance in her voice, in need for an answer. "lynn, seriously. what happened between you. vanessa seems really hurt" the reddressed loud let out a dry chuckle even tho she didn't find it funny in the slightest. "sucks for her" luna was starting to get annoyed by her trying to act tough and was strongly considering taking the ball and throwing it at her head to maybe knock some sense into her. "this is exactly what i mean! why are you speaking of her like this? you were so in love with her" her hands moved as she spoke, this being the only way she could express her annoyance. "yeah, you don't need to remind me"
"did you break up with her?" she couldn't help herself from asking. lynn didn't reply, because what would she say? "lynn, please tell me you didn't" the look in lunas eyes made her skrink on the spot.
"you don't understand" she mumbled. luna felt so stupid, basically begging for her sister to tell her what had happened. "help me understand then" the girl dressed in red stayed silent, because there was no way she was going to tell luna anything at all. "well, call me when you want help getting her back"
