FLASHBACKS ➳ JACK GILINSKY

Chapter 23 - Sad Song

This story is going to get really good. So much things are happening. Oh god, I'm so excited.

You guys loved the last chapter, so here's this chapter for y'all. Thank you for your kind words.

Btw, this is one of my favorite songs.

//23//

I've been ignoring everyone.

Jack had tried to contact me multiple times to probably finish our conversation we had at the beach, but for me, the conversation was already over. I knew he wanted answers, but I couldn't give it to him.

I thought that when I had chosen to do that, I'd be pretty enough, beautiful enough, and even good enough for Jack. That had been my plans for the past year. The only reason I could come up with for why he broke up with me was because I wasn't good enough for him. I had made it my mission to perfect myself for him.

But when he was putting all the pieces together, he looked disappointed and scared. Maybe he thought it was too much. Maybe he thought I was crazy.

I bit my nails, disappointed in myself for acting like this. Why did I still care of what he thinks? I stopped, but why didn't I completely stop my feelings for him? I was so frustrated, because I was basically throwing myself into the spiral of hurt again. I was regretting everything. I couldn't think straight. I couldn't get out. I couldn't get him out of my mind, especially since he kissed me and acted like my friend again, or even something more.

I ignored Johnson and Ivy, because they kept on asking me questions. I love them and I'm grateful for them being in my life, but I guess I just wanted some time to myself. I needed time to think, and get myself together, really together, because the last time I thought I did, I really didn't.

I found myself walking towards the beach, and going towards the pier.

I took in the scent, then grimaced a bit, because of the smell of the fish. I smiled though, remembering how he loved the scent of it. I remembered how he would even ask me how I couldn't like the smell of it, because it literally smelled like flowers to him. I would only shake my head at him.

I have shut all thoughts of him out of my life ever since the incident, and I don't know why I was allowing him to enter my thoughts right now. He's the first person I ever had besides my family, and he was the first person I lost. He's the first mistake I ever made.

I breathed in a deep breath, putting my foot on the railing and raising myself up. I let the wind blow against my face, even though it was messing up my hair. I took in the scent of the beach I loved so much, including the scent he loved. I let go of the railing and raised my hands up to the side of me, holding them out sideways.

All of sudden, arms wrapped around my waist and carried me back down to the ground. "What were you trying to do?"

"What?" I asked, pulling my eyebrows together, confused.

Jack ran his hand through his head, indicating that he was frustrated. "Were - were you trying to kill yourself?"

I stared at him momentarily, wondering if he was joking not, but then realized shortly after that he was serious. I bursted out laughing.

He glared at me. "That is no laughing matter."

"I'm laughing, because you thought I was really trying to kill myself," I managed to get out.

"So, you weren't gonna kill yourself?" he clarified.

"No."

"Then what the hell were you doing standing that close to the edge? You could've fallen over. God Ellie, you scared the crap out of me."