letting go (b.beckham)

chapter one

a l l i s o n

why is it so hard to move on?
why is it so hard to forget?
why is it so hard to let go?

questions i've been asking myself for one and a half year now.

i am allison johnson, 16 years old. i currently live in los angeles with my brother, aaron. yep, you must know him. aaron taylor-johnson. he's an actor. i have 2 older siblings, gemma and aaron.

i live here in la with my brother for one and a half year now, we're originally from london but we need to transfer here cause of my brother's busy schedule.

my mom told me to live here in la with him so i can study here and i have no choice but to say yes to her.

my parents and my sister are still in london, its just me and my brother here. he's such a great brother, he works so hard for us, he's paying all my school fees, he's paying everything! i love him so much, i dont know what will i do without him.

though, he's always away cause of his work but he always save time for me and i really appreciate that. i am so thankful i have him.

"allie! come here!" i heard my brother shouted

its monday morning, means school. ugh.
i really hate mondays, not just because of
school but also because my brother always
leave me on mondays. i really do understand
that his work is like that but i really hate being
alone monday to wednesday. yup, he's home
every wednesday to sunday but he's still
glued to his works. shitty.

i quickly ran to the kitchen 'cause he's there.

"what?" i asked

"what time is your class?" he asked before drinking his juice.

"my first class? i dont know, 10 i think" i said

"alright, gotta go now. see you on thursday" he said, then he kissed my forehead

"if you need more money, just call me okay?" he added.

i helped him cary his bags and placed it in his car.

"text me okay?"

i nodded.

now, i am all alone. i hate it so much. well its 7:40 am and my class starts at 10.

i decided to just watch tv.

i opened the tv and great, just great. the first thing i saw was the news about brooklyn beckham and his new rumored girlfriend, holly ramsay.

"Spotted last night, Brooklyn Beckham and Holly Ramsay are they dating? It seems like the answer is yes! But how about Al-"

i shut the damn tv off.

wow, this is exactly what i need to start a good morning and a good week.
(note to sarcasm)

i ran back to my room and opened my macbook and started stalking brooklyn.

how can he be so fine
why is it so easy for him to replace me
how can i forget him
why is he doing this to me
how can i move on

it kills me so much, so freakin' much to see all these
photos of him with other girls but i just cant stop myself.

even though i know that i am just going to end up crying
i still look at these photos, and i hate myself for this.

its my fault, its all my fault.

i dont even know what to do anymore. its been a year and a half and i still think about him, i still love him, i am still deeply in love with him, he's still my inspiration, he's still my everything & my biggest regret is letting him go. i dont even know anymore!!