letting go (b.beckham)

chapter seventeen

a l l i e

its been 2 months since i started living my lonely life alone again with my brother. yup, my mom, victoria, holly and brooklyn is back in london now.

i am so broken right now. after that sex, i felt so fucking horrible. he used me. i acted like i dont mind but i do. he fucking used me. i dont know what to believe any more. im so fucking done with everything.

he doesnt even care about how i feel. yes, he apologized but bitch. he acted like nothing happened and now, he's with holly again. the last time i talked to him was when he asked me not to tell holly and since that day, he started avoiding me.

i promised him i wont tell anyone so i kept my fucking mouth shut about it and i am not as inconsiderate as him to tell to it to people just to ruin their relationship, i might hate him but im not that evil to do that.

..

its saturday morning i feel so sick. ive been feeling like this for how many weeks now. i dont even know whats up with me, i asked one of my friends cause her mom is a doctor and she said maybe its just a sign that im having my period soon but idk i am one week delayed, i havnt got my period and its driving me nuts but who cares maybe im just delayed or whatever.

i dont care, i know this is nothing serious.

i stood up cause i suddenly craved for blueberry cheesecake. ive been craving for this for a week now and i swear im in love! cheesecakes are the best!!

ive been forever in love with cheesecakes but not as in love as how i feel right now, maybe i should marry a cheesecake cause cheesecakes makes me happy 💗

..

"here's your blueberry cheesecake, enjoy!"

the girl said as she placed the cheesecake on the table.

i am sitting alone here in the cheesecake store, i do this a lot. i mean, i always go here and stay here for an hour or two alone just reading magazines or checking my social media accounts. i love doing this.

but today, lia and i decided to meet here so i am waiting for her. im here for 15 minutes now and she's still not here. ohh whatever, typical lia.

after 40 minutes of waiting, thank god she's here.

"im sorry im late" she said as she seat in front of me.

"im used to it, dont worry" i rolled my eyes

she laughed a little.

"go order your food" i said

she's about to stand up but then i realized my i already finished my cheesecake.

"lia, wait. can you buy me more blueberry cheesecake" i said as i held her the money

i dont really know, i love cheesecakes ever before but im getting so crazy about it right now. i feel like i wont last a day without eating a cheesecake.

she rolled her eyes "you already a-" i cut her off

"please?" i said, she rolled her eyes again and ordered.

after ordering, she sat in front of me. our orders are not yet here.

"so... whats up?" she asked

"nothing much, its so boring at home." i said

"do you still feel sick?" she asked

"yes, its crazy cause sometimes i feel completely okay but sometimes i feel so freaking sick especially in the morning when i wake up, and last night before i go to bed i felt a random shit in my stomach and i end up vomiting" i said

our orders arrived and i started eating my blueberry cheesecake again like i never ate some for seven billion years.

"fuck this tastes so good" i said

"allie, calm down you already ate some of that earlier and yesterday too and the other day" she said, kinda serious

"you dont even understand, i feel so in love with this. i crave for this from time t-" she cuts me off

"allie, are you pregnant?" she asked

fuck what no.

i was shocked with what she asked, and i can see that she was also shocked with what she said. i dont know what to answer, i know im not.

"look allie, feeling sick, vomiting, cravings... thats all signs of being pregnant, now tell me.. when was the last time you had sex?" she asked, serious.

i can feel my heart beating so fast. no, no. i cant be pregnant. no. im 16 and i cant be pregnant. no. this cant happen.

"2 months ago" i said

"cmon, finish that cheesecake and lets go get some pregnancy test or whatever you call that" she said.

..

we are sitting here in my room waiting for the result of this freaking pregnancy test bullshit. i swear this is the worst time of my life.

i am so nervous and i can see that lia is nervous too.

"oh my god, allie its positive!!"

she said, i can feel my whole world break.

i started sobbing.

"no, no. this cant happen" i said, kinda loud.

"shh. allie, dont worry im here." lia said while comforting me

"lia, what will i do? i cant be pregnant. im young, this cant happen" i said

i cant stop crying.

"who's the guy?" she asked

i stopped for a while and looked at her.

"brooklyn." i said

"no way! you had sex with him? why didnt you tell me?" she asked

i didnt answer but i cried so loud instead.

"allie, dont worry. you'll get through this i swear" she said

what the fuck am i gonna do? i cant even imagine the reactions of my parents. how am i gonna tell them? no. fuck. i dont even know what to do, my life is a complete mess and i fucking hate myself.

fuck this stupid situation. i dont know how am i gonna tell brooklyn, i dont want to ruin his relationship with holly and i cant even imagine how he's gonna react. i a, not sure if he's gonna be cool with it or gonna get mad.

"allie, he needs to know. i mean, brooklyn. i know you're thinking about his relationship with holly but he's gonna be a father anytime soon and he needs to know" she said

lia's right. he needs to know.

an: this is a crazy and short chapter. anyway, i please comment your thoughts and suggest an idea please, i really need ideas so i can update immediately. thank you! 😍