letting go (b.beckham)

chapter nine

a l l i s o n

im sitting at the park, alone. its 11 pm and
i still dont wanna go home. i cant face him.
he asked me those questions earlier and i
cant even answer them. i know, its all my
fault and i feel really really bad. i am the
one who ruined our relationship and now
that he's happy with someone else, i regret
every single thing. this is so heartbreaking
and i think i cant do this anymore. ugh.

when we we're still together, he gave me all his love. he gave me attention, care and all i gave him is problems and shits. i am the worst girlfriend ever but he loved me no matter how hard i am to be a girlfriend. he never gave up on me, he's the one who tells me every single day that we can survive our problems. he's the one who works so hard just to keep our relationship going. he accepted me and my flaws. he is the best boy friend a girl can have. i know its hard to be in a relationship with a girl like me but he didnt cared, he loved me without asking anything in return. he never made me feel alone.

we started dating when i was 13.. yup, young love. at first, we didnt thought it will work but it did. since the day we started dating he never failed to make me happy, like what i said, he is the best boyfriend ever and i am so thankful i have him as my boyfriend, we were so happy together and we have no problems that time.

months passed, year passed, everything changed. i changed, since the day i saw him with my best friend holly. they're acting so flirty with each other and i saw brooklyn kissed her cheek and that broke my whole heart. we almost broke up but he explained to me and he didnt let me go, he stopped me, he begged me to stay and i stayed.

but since that day, i changed a lot. i dont know what happened to me, i felt like i lost all my trust. i became so moody and i am always grouchy and i dont pay attention to our relationship anymore but i love him, so fucking much. its just... i dont know if i can trust him again, the moment i saw him kissing her broke me and i didnt know what to do. my older sister gemma, her boyfriend cheated on her and she almost killed herself because of heartache and i dont want that to happen to me and maybe thats why i became so grouchy and so selfish to our relationship but i swear i love him so much, i just dont know uow to trust him again.

every single day he proved me that he changed, he proved me how much he loves and how much cares for me even though im acting such a brat. he didnt gave up on me even though i am such a selfish bitch. he gave me all the love i need, he's always there when i need him. he always tell me that he will never gave on us whatever happens.

and one day, i bumped in to holly and she talked to me about what happened and she said sorry, she told me she really likes brooklyn and she said she thinks she's already falling for him. i remember those words she said....

"allie, i know you're my best friend and i know that you really love brooklyn and i want to be honest with you i like him so much and i think im falling in love with him but i know he loves you and no can change that but i want to tell you that i love him so much. im sorry allie, but i really really like him."

holly is my best friend, when i need her she's there. she is a good friend. lia, holly and i are best friends. but everything changed since that kissing incident happened but i swear, i didnt get mad at holly.. well, i tired not to be and thank god i succeeded.

right after holly and i talked i went straight home cause i want to just stay in my room and cry. i cant believe, my best friend also like the guy i love and i dont know what to do. but when i entered our house i saw my whole family sitting there, waiting for me.

and then, they announced that my brother & i are migrating to los angeles. i tried to stop them but i cant. they already made their decision and no one can change it. i cried a lot. what about my friends here, what about my life, what about brooklyn? fuck.