letting go (b.beckham)

chapter eight

a l l i s o n

after an hour i am finally done with every
thing so i finally decided to go to the living
room and talk to brooklyn. okay, im nervous.

i saw him peacefully sleeping in the couch
i sat there, just looking at his beautiful face.

now i realize what i lost. he is my everything.
he is the only guy who can give me billion
butterflies in my stomach, the only guy who
can love me like that but i took him for granted.

he looks so in love and happy and it burns my
heart to know that i am not the reason anymore
if he only knows that i dont really mean what i
said when i broke up with him, that i love him
so much and i dont want to lose him. he is my
everything and until now, i still regret everything.

looking at him sleeping makes me remember all
those times when we sleep together, cuddle together
ugh can i just go back in time when everything's ok.
this is so heartbreaking. i love him so much but i know
i cant have him anymore and that breaks me more.

i dont want to bother him & wake him up so i stood
up and right before i left i kissed his forehead.

"i love you so much baby"

i whispered to his ear.

i quickly ran upstairs cause i just realized
what did i do. fuck did i just seriously kissed
him and said i love you? ugh, what if he hears
it. omg im so deadzzz

...

i woke up and its 8:30.

fuck, why do i wake up so early when
there's no school. annoying af.

i took a shower. i called lia and asked
her if she wants to grab some coffee
but she's not available today. i dont want
to be stuck at home on a saturday so i still
got dressed and i am still gonna get some
coffee, even though i am alone.

(ootd photo attached)

i ran downstairs and saw brooklyn in
the kitchen eating his breakfast.

"good morning" he said, smiling.

"hi" i said

"where are you going? eat first i cooked this for you" he said

omg, why is doing this to me!! he's just
making me fall for him harder & harder.

"no, im actually in a hurry" i said

even though i am not in a hurry, i just
dont want to be around him right now
because of the awkwardness i feel.

"oh.. do you want me to drive yo-" i cut him off

"no need" i said

he frowned

fuck i know that frown. i cant resist
that frown, ugh everytime he frowns
like that he makes me stay. i hate it.

"okay i gotta go" i said before running out of the house.

i ran to the nearest coffee shop, which is
starbucks of course.

i ordered my caramel frappe and left.

while walking around the street
i saw someone following me

"hey what are you doing here?" i asked him

"so you're in a hurry? but you're just getting starbucks" he said, sarcastically.

and yep, its brooklyn ugh.

"cause i am supposed to meet a friend but she ditched me" i said, obviously lying.

he smirked.

"so you have no plans for today anymore?" he asked