If Only You Knew

Please Dont Go

Aniyah's POV

The tears wouldn't stop as reality set in, I was losing Isaiah.

I wanted nothing more than to shut off my feelings and forget about having a baby, but I couldn't. Last year, I didn't have my period for two months and at that time Zay was adamant that if I was pregnant then I'd get an abortion. At first, I agreed. We were young and I was just getting into my groove at the beauty bar. From the outside looking in, it was the worst time for either of us to be thinking about children.

But on the inside I was ecstatic. Lee was pregnant and I thought it would be cute if we had our babies around the same time. Then it became more real the longer it took for my period to come. By month three, right before I got my period, I was convinced I was pregnant and was shocked at how joyful I became.

I'd imagined our son. We'd name him Jermaine after Isaiah's Dad. It would've been a perfect situation, but all that went out the window after I saw the blood. I wasn't pregnant and I'll never forget how my heart broke when I broke the news to Zay. I never saw him smile so big.

Yes, he wanted kids with me, but no time soon. And now that the idea was in my mind, it unfortunately won't leave. I was ready to take our relationship to the next level and start the family that he promised me. Why couldn't he see that?

"What if I got a vasectomy?"

"What?!" I whipped my neck to see him twisting his braids, looking to be in deep thought.

"I could get one and have it reversed when it's time for us to have a baby. That way youn' get pregnant so we have nun to worry bout."

I snickered. "No, Zay."

"Why not?"

"That doesn't fix anything! The issue isn't me being pregnant it's you not being on board! All a vasectomy does is push back the inevitable."

"And what's the inevitable?" He wondered as he raised his eyebrow at me.

"That we don't agree on this so-" my voice cracked before I could even get the words out.

I've loved Isaiah since I was 18 years old. He's been my lover, my protector, my rock, and everything else for almost 4 years and it pained me deeply to have to let him go. And him sitting in my face in all his glory, fighting me, made this decision much less easy for me.

"I ain't letting you walk out my life Aniyah." He spoke as if his words were fact.

"We gotta figure this out."

"Only way we can do that now is if you accept our situation. I don't want to force kids on you but I want what I want."

"You such a spoiled brat." He laughed to himself.

"I've given you the world! Why you can't just drop this shit?"

"Don't you think I want to!?" I raised my voice. "I wish I could snap my fingers and turn my feelings off but that's not how this works!"

"You know how fucked up it is to make me have kids with you? I'd be a terrible father if it's not something I want, you wanna put yo kids through that?" His tone hardened with each word.

"Don't try to manipulate me!" I glared while pointing my finger in his face.

"I don't want to set you or our future kids up for failure. That's why I feel we should go our separate ways now, because if we don't then one of us ends up unhappy and I don't want that for us, Monkey."

"I love you enough to break my own heart and let you go because I don't wanna force kids on you."

"No!" He protested, groaning out in frustration. "You not gone leave me like this."