If Only You Knew

Self Control

Zay's POV

My throat was void of any moisture as I followed Aniyah into the building. Walking inside I smelled hand sanitizer and paint, making me even more nauseous. I watched Aniyah as she walked up to the lady at reception, limping a little bit. Stifling a laugh, I lightly stroked my small beard that was growing in thinking about how I had her screaming at the top of her lungs last night.

After speaking for a second the lady gave me and Aniyah visitor badges and led us back to a huge open room with a few round tables and a flat-screen TV hanging on the wall. I had to cringe at the ugly ass decor of the faded-looking pastel colors. No way muthafuckers got clean in a place like this, it was depressing in here.

Aniyah grabbed my hand whispering to me. "We can leave whenever you want to. She's so excited to see you."

"Ight."

We both took a seat at a table in the corner closer to an open window. I watched outside seeing the sheet of snow and ice that covered the ground. The sun was shining bright giving a glow to the atmosphere and I sighed wishing to be anywhere but here.

"Hey, V!"

It caught my attention hearing Aniyah call her by a nickname like they were besties or something and that irritated me, I was already contemplating leaving.

I stood and watched as my mom approached me slowly. She wore a pair of olive green leggings, a white tank top, and a long tan cardigan. As we came face to face she looked up at me in admiration as her almond eyes watered.

"Isaiah! Oh my, you're so handsome! You look just like your father." She gasped and snickered at the fact as she took in my face.

"Sit." She chirped as we all sat back down.

"Well, Merry Christmas." She spoke after a couple awkward seconds of silence.

"Merry Christmas." Me and Aniyah responded.

"Isaiah, how have you been?" She gave me a small closed lip smile.

"Straight." I shrugged. "How you doing in here?" I questioned looking around the room at other people visiting.

I wished I could be them. Sitting over there all happy speaking with their loved ones on this holiday. But I couldn't do that. Veronica was like a stranger to me, when I looked at her I didn't see a mother at all. I saw a junkie who was using my girl's money for a meal and a place to stay. I wished I could fake the funk with my mama but I ain't no hoe ass nigga, ion do shit like that.

"Oh, it's great." She grinned. "I've been in counseling and group therapy works well for me. Over there is my friend Tawnee."

She pointed to a small white woman who sat across the room talking with family. She wore a smile as well and gave my mom a wave when she noticed her.

"That's my roommate. This is her third time here but she says I have promise."

"That's good! The withdrawal symptoms are gone right?" Aniyah questioned.

She nodded. "Yes, I have no desire to touch that stuff anymore. I'm ready to start my life now."

"At forty?" I lifted my eyebrow as I gave her a look.