If Only You Knew

Heaven Couldn't Wait

Lee's POV

"Taleeyah, baby, open the door." Tina encouraged from the other side of my locked bedroom door.

She and Lester had been trying to get me to come out for the past 10 minutes, but my feet refused to carry me.

My papa died two weeks ago and today was his funeral. Two weeks ago my soul left this earth with his. Once I got the news, I cried and cried until I physically couldn't anymore. After my nana was able to calm me down we went to the hospital together to say goodbye and I shocked myself then with how well I kept it together.

It didn't stop the nightmares, however. On multiple occasions, I woke up to Lester holding me as I came undone in his arms. I'd wake up in a pool of sweat and tears from seeing the image of my papa on that cold metal table. His dark skin was empty of its natural glow. It was burned into my memory and I'd give anything to get rid of it.

I'd managed to distract myself with the twins as much as everyone would let me. Lester, Tina, and my friends all treated me like some fragile glass vase that would break into a million tiny little pieces if dropped. I hated it.

Everyone treated me like some little kid who couldn't handle herself so I tried everything in my power to prove them wrong. I was off work from bereavement and they gave me ample time away before I had to return so to occupy myself I got closer with my sons. Making sure to keep a smile on my face was hard but I did it. For the past two weeks, I've been fine!

So for the life of me, I couldn't understand why I wouldn't leave this bedroom. We were all dressed and ready to go. Lester and Tina were riding to the service with us while everyone else would meet us there. If we didn't go now we'd be late, so why couldn't I move?

I stared out of the bedroom window peering out at the bleak weather outside. The sky was grey and cloudy and the air seemed extra dusty on this Thursday morning. I usually loved this weather but it made me sick to look at it. But I couldn't help to stare at the sky because I swore I could feel Papa looking back at me.

"Reese cmon." Lester urged me as he knocked once again. "We can't miss the funeral."

Tina spoke up. "I got the boys' hair combed and they look so cute in their little suits. Come look, they're calling for you."

I smacked my teeth, annoyed at her attempts to use my sons to get what she wanted. I tried to get up, but the mental games exhausted me. This was all wrong! I shouldn't have to bury my papa today! No way was this real life and if it was I wanted no part of it.

My phone rang on the side of me. I couldn't even keep track of how many times it went off. I had texts and calls from EVERYONE because Tina didn't know how to keep her mouth shut. Looking at the caller ID I saw it was my nana. That was weird, why was she calling me when she was supposed to already be at church?

"Hello?"

"You out of that room?" She questioned already sounding upset.

I huffed. "Nana I-"

"Stop it!" She cut me off, making sure to put some base in her voice. "I love you but this is not about you! Your papa wouldn't want you acting like this! Get your ass up and get down to this church or I will come to drag you out of there myself, do you understand me?"

"Yes ma'am." I whispered in defeat.

"If I don't get word that you are in the car in the next 10 minutes it won't be pretty." She hung up before I could respond.

My anger was the motivation that made me finally stand from my spot on the bed. Who did my nana think she was? If I had the will to get up and go to this funeral then I would! But the mere thought of seeing him in that casket had me wanting to bury myself with him. I wouldn't be able to handle that sight and I didn't wanna go and make a fool of myself in front of all our friends and family.