Chapter 19:Relapsed

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⚠️TW⚠️
(Tamara's POV)
The next morning I was sat in the bed watching the tv when a nurse came in I immediately tensed up and backed up "please don't force me to show you me legs and arms"I said quietly "sweetheart I'm only here to give you your food and maybe check if you've cut but i wouldn't force you to show me"the nurse said in a soft tone "what about the other nurse she forced me"I told her "that was the other nurse but she got fired after she seriously injured one of our patients whilst trying to do a feeding tube and blood test"the nurse said "so I can say no and you won't force me to show you?"I asked "yea you can say no and I'll leave it till later also I know your here for a year but your not allowed visitors for the first six months it's our policy sorry"the nurse said sympathetically "wait so I can't see mum or dad for six months?"I asked "yea I'm afraid so sweetheart"the nurse told me "can I at-least call them?"I asked "yea you can call them or FaceTime them but that only once a week for two hours"the nurse said I just stayed quiet "make sure you eat some food okay Tamara"the nurse sid then she left my room I ate half of the food then the nurse came in and took my tray away "when can I call them?"I asked "well it's Monday today and you get a two hour call on Wednesday so two days sweetheart"the nurse told me I just nodded I turned back on my tv and watched some movies then I fell asleep

The next morning the nurse came back in "hey Tamara just bringing in your breakfast can I check your arms and legs quick make sure you didn't hurt yourself?"she asked  just nodded "okay"I said the nurse gently took my arms and looked at them then she slowly pulled up my gown and looked at my thighs and legs she looked at the top of my thighs too I tensed up and pulled away quickly when I felt her finger trace a few scars on my thighs "sorry didn't mean to scare you"she said "it's okay just don't touch there next time"I told her "alright I won't but your all clean no cuts that good"she told me "thanks"I said smiling at her she left after I ate my food then I watched more tv and went toilet before the nurse came in with tea I ate it all then the nurse told me starting Monday I'd be eating in a cafeteria with all the other patients and I hoped i could make a friend
I fell asleep in my bed then the next morning I was able to call Lucy since the camera on the laptop was broke so I couldn't face time her
The call:
-hey tam
-hi mum
-how's the facility going?
-it's okay there's a tv here and they got a new nurse she's really nice
-that's good me and dad miss you lots
-I miss you guys too
-so have you been doing good with your mental health?
-yea I haven't cut or anything
-that's good baby
-yea the nurse said that too
-how about eating I know you struggled a little with your eating
-I've been eating most of my meals sometimes I only eat half tho
-it's good your eating tho
-yea also the nurse told me I can't have visitors for the first six months
-yea she rang and told me that too
-it's really hard to not see you for that long
-yea I know but at least next time I see you you'll only have half your stay there left
-true but it's still sad
-I know but hopefully it'll come quicker than you think
-yea I hope so I really don't like being alone I get to go to the cafeteria on Monday so hopefully I'll make a friend
me and Lucy keep talking then our time was over
I went back to my room and watched tv before the nurse brought me in my dinner I ate it then fell asleep.

Monday came quickly I had been thinking about hurting myself again remembering how it felt to be hurt like that I was lead to the cafeteria and I sat at my own table I ate my food then sat picking at my fingernails when I saw a pencil sharpener on the bench I put it in my shoe and then after the nurse left me in my room I broke the plastic off and took out the bl@de I went into the bathroom and pulled up my gown I pressed the blade into my skin again and then I stopped after ten minutes I let the warm liquid run down my thighs I then proceeded to clean up the blood and get back into my bed I fell asleep the next morning the nurse came in she had my tray of food "here we are Tamara breakfast and I need to check make sure you haven't cut"the nurse said I just nodded I ate half of my food then the nurse checked my arms but before she could even pull up my gown I pulled away I pulled my legs to my chest and covered my legs with the gown "Tamara if you cut they're going to need treating can I take a look?"she asked I shook my head no "please Tamara"she said "only if you promise not to restrain me"I said "I can't promise but if you let me clean them and wrap a couple bandages on them then I won't need to restrain you but you also have to give me what you hurt yourself with"she told me I went over to the desk and picked up the broken pieces of plastic and gave them to the nurse "thank you now can I look at those cuts hon?"she asked I just nodded she slowly pulled up my gown and looked I could see she was disappointed I'd done this "Tamara these are quiet bad I'm going to have to ring your parents and get there consent to get some of these stitched and you'll be moved to the higher risk section"she told me "no don't tell them please they'll be so disappointed in me"I told the nurse "I have to I'm sorry"the nurse told me she left my room for a while then came back with a doctor he treated my cuts and did some stitches then I got the bl@de from the bathroom and hid it in my shoe we walked to my new room on the higher floor and I got into bed I watched the tv and fell asleep dreading Wednesday when I'd have to speak about what happened to Lucy.

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