⚠️TW⚠️
(Tamara's POV)
Wednesday came quickly and I was dreading having to talk to Lucy about €utting I had €ut again twice and both times they rang her again she probably hates me now is the only thought I had in my mind the whole time I got to the phone and dialled her number
The call:
-hey tam how you doing
-hi mum I'm okay I guess
-that's good listen the nurse rang and said you'd cut so are you actually okay or?
-I know I'm really sorry for disappointing you guys I guess I'm not that okay but I'll get better I hope
-yea I know you will baby and listen to me your not a disappointment at all tamara we love you okay
-okay I love you too
-so did you make any friends
-not yet but hopefully I can so I'm not alone
-that's a good idea tam I also heard you were put in the higher risk section how is it?
-it's okay i still get to watch tv but I don't really get a choice when it comes to checking if I've cut in the mornings but the nurse is still gentle so that's good
-yea that's good me and dad still miss you lots
-can I speak to him
-yea sure I'll put him on
-hi kiddo
-hey dad
-so I heard you cut again
-yea I'm sorry
-well sorry isn't good enough you told us you wouldn't do it again
-I'm sorry okay I really am
-well I don't care it's just sad that you did that again
-put mum back on
-no you asked to talk to me so now you have to talk to me
-no I don't i want mum
-too bad
Hearing Tim say that enraged me I started to bash the phone on the wall then my head I felt warm liquid running down my face and nurses rushed it pinning me to the floor I tried to get free reach the phone but they sedated me.
When I woke up i was in the bed i sat up when the nurse came in "hi Tamara nice to see you awake how do you feel?"she asked me "fine i guess i don't know"I told her "you was out all of yesterday it's Friday now"she told me I just nodded but I was confused on how I'd slept a whole day the nurse left then came back with my breakfast "here try eat it'll make you feel better"the nurse told me "thanks"I said I ate the food and it was nice and then I took a shower and looked down at the cuts they had mainly healed now I looked at the door and it was shut so I got out the shower and felt under the draw for where I'd hid the bl@de I found it and then cut my thighs again I washed the blood away and went out the bathroom I got back into my underwear and bra then put the gown on before lying in the bed when I woke up the next morning there was a blood stain on the bed and before I could move the nurse came she treated the cuts and then left after she got me to eat half my food the next day it was Wednesday I dialled Lucy's number
call:
-mum?
-hey tam how are you feeling baby
-okay i guess
-that's good have you €ut since we last spoke?
-umm yea yesterday during my shower im sorry
-it's okay baby i love you no matter what okay
-love you too mum
-so have you done anything fun?
-not really just slept mostly
-well hopefully these months pass by quickly so we can see each other again
-yea I hope so I really miss you
-I know you do honey I miss you too
-is dad still angry at me?
-a little but he'll get over it tam I promise
-and what if he doesn't what if he takes me to foster care
-I won't let him baby
-I hope so
We kept talking then I had to go I went to the cafeteria and sat at the table when a girl around my age sat next to me "hey what's your name?"she asked "Tamara"I told her "what about you?"I asked "my names Rebecca"she told me "so how long you here for?"I asked "a year you?"she asked "I'm here for a year too" I said "we should be friends"she told me I nodded "I'd like that"I told her "we've both finished can we go to your room?"she asked "yea come on"I said leading her to my room and she pointed at her room it was right across from mine we went in my room and sat on the watching a film "can I use your toilet?"she asked "yea go ahead sorry about the mess didn't get time to clean it up last night"I told her she went in the bathroom then came out two minutes later we started talking "so why are you here?"I asked her
"the police caught me with drugs like 10 times and also stopped me from k!ll!ng myself 14 times and arrested me and said I had to come here to get better what about you?"she asked "oh umm i kinda killed my parents but they like convinced me when I was younger that it was okay and they abused me but the lawyer said I was not guilty because of a mental defect or something so I got sent here"I told her
"Oh wow that's a lot different from me then"she told me "yea"I said "so where are you staying after here?" She asked "with two nice people Lucy and Tim I kinda turned up at there door and they took me in but my real parents were taking them to court so I'd be back in there care but I knew if I stayed there then I'd end up dead so i killed them"I told her "wow that's kinda bad ass definitely don't want to get on your bad side"she said chuckling "yea but I wouldn't hurt anyone else so what about you?"i asked "my parents were nice but they both got killed three years back and I had to stay with a foster family so I started using drugs and umm c hurting myself every day then they kicked me out and I lived on the streets until they found my uncle I didn't know I had and I had to go stay with him but he's nice"she told me we kept talking and as the days passed we got closer I'd always tell Lucy about becca when I called her and she was happy for me becca was nice but the closer we got the more she reminded me of Sarah and she could tell I was hiding something and one day she asked me about it so I decided to just be honest
"well earlier this year I was at a psych ward and I met a girl called Sarah and we got really close I helped her recover a lot and she came to stay with me,Lucy and Tim but she started to hurt herself again so she got sent back to the psych ward and whilst she was there
she umm k!lled herself"I told becca "I'm sorry"she said sympathetically "it's okay it's nice sometimes to remember her yk"I told her and she nodded we watched sone tv then fell asleep.
