Science of Owls

you knew... from the beginning

Chapter 49 

That night I wasn't in the mood for shit. I was fired up and ready to spit in anyone's face.

I didn't want to talk about it, I didn't want people to hear about ... except Eve... I wanted to smash roast her!

I walked home depressed, the occasional tear rolling down my cheeks as I listened to the rolling stones. I was contemplating life like it was a tragic movie.

There was a stage when I was walking when I wanted to tell him how I felt. Then I snapped back to the reality that I would pussy out before I could say that. I had wanted to tell him since I meet him how I felt. In fact I was hoping he would have said that before I thought it ... but I guess that's too late.

I talked to Eve straight away. I jumped online and called her up. I wanted to sus her out before I lost all my sanity.

" hey , how are you ?" she asked, maybe she was confused of why I called her , rather than just messaging...

" yeah, yeah , I'm in a Sherlock mood. I've had a tip off and whatever" I said quickly.

" a tipoff? About ?" she asked, her confusing growing in her tone of voice.

" well you see, I was sitting next to Noodle on the Bus this afternoon" I began , slowly , using my best detective voice... she was still my friend, come on , I can still have fun right? ... " and he received two text messages... from two different girls"

" and?" she said bluntly.

" do you like Noodle?" ... I cut the shit...

" Noodle... Your Noodle... ?" she asked slowly.

" yeah! The only god damn Noodle there is ... the one I like..." I stammered angrily, I wrapped myself into a blanket... my anger spurting out into my arms.

" Um... do you promise not to hurt me?" she said quietly on the other side of my screen.

" I knew it...." I whispered. In shock I bit my lip ... hard.... I began to draw blood. My throat started to hurt again.

" Nazz, please, hear me out! I know how you get over these things, I didn't mean for it to escalate. I was trying to help you at the start... find out information!" she pleaded.

" yet you don't stop it... " I mumbled into my microphone. " you haven't stopped talking to him like you're his next lover ... don't even pretend this was for me"

" But Nazz I didn't mean-"

" shut up... you knew ! You knew that I liked him ... since the beginning you were the one to help me understand ... just shut up!" I said fiercely . I slammed on the end call button and then proceeded to ball my eyes out.

I curled into my pillow and hugged it tight.

All I wanted was someone there with me at that moment.

Someone just to listen to me, to be there and pat my back... they didn't have to care as such ... but just be there.

Then I got another call... From Felix...

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everytime... every god damn time i write this i get really fired up and want to cry ... shut up