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The flight back to Sweden was, to say the least, odd. No flashbacks. No tears, no memories. Only sleep, and movies. Rythian was asleep next to me, but I have the window seat. So I stared out of it, watching the night sky, counting the stars. We were flying above the clouds, and for the record, it felt surreal. My mind was set on telling me how unreal, how absurd my being on a plane and flying hundreds of feet above the clouds was. All of it felt like it couldn't - that it shouldn't - be real.

You see, planes are made out of chunks of metal - Aluminium, to be specific - and filled with fuel. If you count the insides of the plane, we speak of rubber, plastics, fabric, and maybe even more materials I cannot guess. If anything, it's heavy, it shouldn't be able to fly. There is nothing about this chunk of metal that can it fly, but if you curve this chunk of metal a certain way and hollow it out another, and put in some mechanics that are both heavy and complicated, you can make it fly.

As I said, there is nothing about that chunk of metal and everything about the way you carve it and the way you make it work. It all depends on how someone decides to make a chunk of metal fly.

Which is why it felt surreal. And in this surrealistic environment it felt like life held so many possibilities, so much hope for everything I could have wished for. Like I could do anything I wanted, and nothing in the world was trying to stop me, like no one in the world would try to stop me. It's like my life held so much potential. For once in my life, for once in this cursed life I have led, I felt hope.

Hope? Well. I guess I misread things a bit.

The movie's audio was still playing in my ears even after I stopped paying attention to it.

I laid my head against the seat, a little too happy about being small, and shut my eyes. I was going to sleep, so that when the plane landed in Stockholm, I wouldn't have to deal with jet lag. Rythian shifted slightly beside me, and something occurred to me.

"K, are you awake?" He asked before I could. Somehow, I knew he was still awake.

"Yeah." I replied, my voice in a whisper. He turned his head to face me. Rythian was most definitely wide awake. He didn't look like he was even trying to fall asleep before this.

"I would be surprised if you were. You're never asleep before one." He chuckled, and I rolled my eyes. I sigh and faced the screen. Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland was on, but I could barely pay attention to it.

"How was Bristol?"

"Interesting."

"I meant the Yogscast."

"Still interesting."

He laughed. Rythian always laughs at the things other people say. I think it was his way of letting them know that he was listening, even if it wasn't really that funny. He sank further back into the seat, almost deep in thought. I pulled out the pack of cards I got from Kim and shuffled them. He glances at them for a moment be his eyes darted to me.

"How do those even work?" Rythian was looking at me with a sort of fascination in his voice.

"I don't really want to sound like a new-age hippie right now, honestly. You wouldn't believe me."

"Tell me anyway."

I laughed. Rythian sounded like a curious child presented with a wooden box, secured with a lock and key. I put the tray down, and placed the cards down gingerly.

"You know, people think tarot cards tell the future. The thing is, it doesn't. If anything, it predicts where your course of action will take you. It isn't a thing where it'd tell you of an unavoidable impending doom. More like, it tells you, based on what you do, what's going to happen, how it's going to happen, and why. You can choose to use that information to prevent it or get through it, but it shouldn't be a decision-maker." I say, and Rythian looks at the cards seriously.

"That's a lot of power for a deck of cards to hold." He said, feigning fear and terror. I laughed, because it was my way of letting people know I was listening. And perhaps Rythian's false, exaggerated tone of fear was funny. Someone behind us shushed me.

"Sorry." I whispered, shuffling the cards even more. I wondered about myself, if I would ever get better again. About the things that troubled me and the things that hurt. And I drew a card, just to see what it was going to tell me.

The Six of Swords. The rainbow is right above where your pain lies, where you are rained upon. Look up, child. You're almost there.

We landed with no problems, even though I felt slightly jet-lagged. It was alright with me though, a small amount of discomfort was worth going home. And it was even more worth it to see Jay again at the airport. I ran to her, and we hugged for a long, long time.

"I missed you! You have to tell me everything." She said, and I smiled and nodded.

"I will. Right now though, I really just want to sleep." I replied, and Jay laughed and took my hand as we left the airport together with Rythian.

"I hope you don't plan to go on the motorcycle at this hour."

"Motorcycle? I didn't even ride it here." She laughed. "Also I'm going to crash at your place tonight."

"You're not serious?"

"Dead serious. I got a taxi, came here, and I don't want to wake my brother to go home. I'm crashing at your place." She smirked. Then she nudged me. "Please?"

I turned back to look at Rythian, who shrugged.

"Oh alright, but don't hog the covers."

"I won't. Let's spoon yo!"

"Christ."

As time passes on by I realise that I will always want to be loved. That nothing I do will ever stop someone from loving me, even if I didn't deserve it.

Jay brought clothes to change into, and she was lying on my bed with me, my head resting dangerously close to her chest as we scrolled through the endless pictures on her phone, laughing at things. She smiled when I pointed out how much I loved something, how cute something was. It was almost as though anything could happen right then. The best part?

I loved that feeling. I can't get enough of that feeling. And I want to drown in it, I want to stay like this. I wanted to stay in this moment and remember us in our T-shirts and shorts lying close to each other. I want to drown in this happiness. I want to remember this for all eternity.

"I have something to tell you." I said. I could practically feel the air around me harden, time stopping for ten seconds. How can six words hold so much power?

"Yeah?" She replied casually. It seemed that only I felt the tension. I prepared for the worst.

"... I'm gay. For you." I tried to be as casual as I could. "Well more specifically I'm Bisexual-"

"Me too." She stopped scrolling and put her phone down, and put her arm around my shoulders with a smile. "That's a fun fact, isn't it? That we're super gay for each other. What are we going to do with that?"

I shrugged, and said the first thing that came to mind. And Christ - I will be blushing at this response for the rest of my life.

"Make out?"

This, my friends, is what we call 'Regret'.

"Going straight to the top huh."

"Technically, we're not going 'straight'."

I don't think I realised how embarrassing that suggestion was but in hindsight, holy fuck, that was embarassing. Jay just laughed and hugged me closer. I snuggled into her chest, smiling.

"That means you're my girlfriend now, right?"

"If you want me."

"Oh, I want you."

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