Cursed - Adopted By Yogscast

Child of Autumn, Alive In Spring

It took a lot of convincing to get Joakim to let me go.

At first he refused, but there was no menace in his voice, only concern, worry, and an almost maternal instinct. He wasn't about to let me go to a country that was to him, completely foreign. It wasn't foreign to me, but he wasn't wrong either. I was a child, and I hadn't gone alone. I had Mom and Dad with me. 

But the thing is, I wouldn't be staying in an unfamiliar, foreign home. I would be going home, in mom's place. Grandma and Grandpa had lost a daughter that night, the only one they ever had and will ever have. I refuse to let them think I was gone too. 

When I say it took a lot of convincing, I mean it took convincing, but he let me go in the end. He understood. He was reluctant, but he understood. He let me go. But he made me promise to call him every night. It doesn't take a genius to understand why.

Jay and I packed for a three-week stay. I wasn't exactly planning to sightsee, but Jay was all for it, and I had to agree with her when she said that the point of travelling was to have fun. If you spend all your time doing just one thing, then there is no point in travel. And she said, if we were going to Kyoto, we needed to head over to Osaka, for fun. That's how two weeks became three, so that we could relax, take our time. I didn't fight it. I let her plan the whole trip. Because I knew I wouldn't plan to have any amount of fun. That's why I love her, you see. Because she was a festival of her own, she was always excited and happy. That's why I love her so much. 

"Next time, we need to go to Tokyo."

"We could if we extend our holiday to one month."

"Nah, that'd kill Joakim. Plus, he'd murder me for ever making that suggestion. You don't understand how much he cares about you, Aki."

"Oh I do know. I just love making him worry."

Jay scoffed. We didn't think much. We booked a flight in April, during cherry blossom season, and left. Joakim and Jen saw us off at the airport, until they could no longer follow. 

This was the third time a plane ride had been important to me. This is the first time I've gone back to see Grandma in years. The Sora residence was known well enough to others, so we at least knew what to do if we got lost. But we were staying in a small apartment hotel on our first night, and then setting off to find Grandma the next morning.

"Aki, look." Jay smiled from her window seat. "It's so beautiful outside."

"We have to transfer when we reach Hong Kong, you know."

"I know." She grinned. "I'm just excited."

Every time I've been on a plane, I try to take note of how surreal it is. But I also try to think of it as a checkpoint. A marker. An important moment to return to and celebrate, because every time I'm on a plane, I've made some progress in my recovery. I noticed that when I boarded the plane to Japan, from Hong Kong. 

The last time I was headed to a different country, I thought of myself as worthless, useless, a shameful being to ever come to rise. I forgot to give myself credit for the fact that I was still there.

When we touched down in Japan, Jay was almost skipping with joy. It was dark out and we were jet lagged by the extreme time difference, but Jay didn't care. I didn't either. We were there. I was closer to home than I had ever thought myself to be. 

I'm not saying that where Joakim was isn't home. I'm saying that I had a home here too, and I had always known that one day, I will need to return to it.

We opted for an apartment. It was small, but I liked it. For some reason, though, being in an apartment with Jay made me feel a little nervous and shy. I think it was the prospect of moving in with her one day. It was a long way, but it was most certainly possible. I won't rule it out.