Cursed - Adopted By Yogscast

Christopher●Birthday

Christopher●Birthday

My name is Christopher. I'm eighteen years old and I'm from Sweden. I have brown eyes and blonde hair. I plan to study Business Management when I get to College.

Good enough? I don't know. I don't know if it's good enough as an Introduction to myself. I haven't done those since I was 12. I'm such a bloody cliché, my entire introduction is a bloody cliché.

I know what you want. You think you know me. You think I'm some guy who bullied a girl because I liked her. I telling you, that isn't true at all. I did it because I was afraid of her. Afraid of her strength, her confidence, the way her eyes would shine when we had an essay project to work on in class - She loved those, you know - and opt to work alone. I was afraid of those piercing green eyes of grass and how she glared at anyone who dared to push her down the stairs. I did it once. I didn't do it twice. And I can't control what the girls do. But she probably wouldn't care that much, I mean, Jade's stronger than that.

... That's a lie. I was not really that scared. Actually, I don't think I know why I was the one to bully her. I don't actually know if it was because I was afraid or intimidated, I just did. To put it bluntly - and possibly terribly, horribly badly - It seemed like a good idea at the time. That is how I see it. How I felt about it. Do I still see it that way? Maybe. Who knows.

Jade was a girl I admired from afar. I was never in love with her, or at least, I wouldn't admit it if I was. And so what if I was? It's not like it matters any more. She had moved on to far and beyond, while I was standing left behind. It will never matter again, I am never going to see her again to apologise or anything similar.

When you're children nothing matters, nobody calls you a 'sissy' for hanging out with the girls when you're six years old until you're nine or ten. Little girls with hair in pigtails running around, then there was Jade. Jade was this girl with green eyes just as piercing as they are today and sparkled at story time. Jade was this girl I sat next to in lunch and we held hands and read books together and then... we grew up. We turned eight and then that was gone. But that doesn't matter, honestly. I made so many new friends who were probably better than Jade would've been. She wasn't important. She isn't important at all, even now.

Right, back to Jade. I don't... I don't actually know. I don't know why I did it. Maybe it's the need for her attention. Maybe it's me wanting to be acknowledged by her. Maybe I got sick of us pretending to be friends. Maybe one day I wanted to go say hi to her when she sat near me when my lady friends giggled really loudly and started gossiping about her, calling her names, calling her a slut, a whore, and everything that you'd imagine was horrible. And I wanted to keep my friends, so I joined them. She probably minded, more than anything. I wish I'd stop being a liar. Jade minded. Jade definitely minded. Those piercing green eyes suddenly seemed too bright.

Of course I knew where she went to for College. Of course I knew. She didn't know it, but I was a Facebook friend of hers, under the name Hades Suzuki. When she updated her status, I noticed. I've always thought about looking her up, but it's been a while. I don't know if I'd recognise her at this point. Okay. That's a lie. That's most definitely a lie. Saying that I was anything but in denial of my feelings would be most definitely a lie. I have always had a crush on her - No, I've always loved her - How it it turn out like this? How have I grown so cowardly- so afraid to admit my feelings? Why am I afraid of them? Why was I so afraid to say that I loved her, so afraid that I started doing all I could to keep her from liking me back, so afraid that I started saying that it was her that I feared instead of it being myself who I feared?

Things weren't supposed to turn out this way. No, it wasn't supposed to turn out this way. It wasn't.

As I keep lying and breaking down and telling the truth, I might soon find that I have become bad at breathing...