Cursed - Adopted By Yogscast

November Rain

Note: The themes in this chapter may prove inappropriate for certain readers under the age of 13. Be warned that this chapter contains harsh themes of Rape, Abuse, and other Strong Sexual themes that may prove to trigger, cause panic attacks and discomfort. Viewer discretion is strongly advised.

Other trigger warnings:

Depression

Eating disorders

Death

Suicidal thoughts

Anxiety

To remedy the possibility of panic attacks, I have included a soundtrack you may focus on while you read this chapter to take your mind off the trigger. Please play it.

* * *

Sometimes I find myself standing alone on stage, in the middle of a spotlight. Sometimes I am sitting at home, alone, and dance because no-one is watching me. In dreams, anything and everything can happen. Hold me tight, let us dance. Let us dance in the darkness, like we are the only ones existing here. But in a way, we are. It's only the two of us here, in my dreams. Take me away, my friend, take me far away from here.

We meet again, Koko...

A jolt, cold sweat. I awaken in a hotel room plasted with bronze, as I listened to the soft breathing of someone I call my father, my brother, my friend, my savior. I got up, and turned to look at him. He looked so peaceful asleep, I wondered if he would notice if I left for a bit. "Just a walk, to clear my mind". That's the lie that I will tell if he wakes up and asks.

I sit up, unmoving, unfeeling. I don't let out even a sigh, and stare at the surface before me. A wall. There is a TV fixed on it to my right. I won't ever turn it on, I don't watch anything there.

It's a lot colder back in Sweden, but then again it rains a lot more in Bristol. Or England, in general. But I like listening to the rain, so I didn't care.

Am I trying to distract myself from a cold, painful reality? Perhaps I am. I won't ever be able to date another person without remembering it, not ever. I won't be able to have sex with anyone ever and not be reminded of the fact that I have been raped and violated in the worst ways possible. I won't. I can't look Jay in the eye, I can't bring myself to tell her anything about my feelings. I won't ever tell her how I feel, I don't want anything to happen. I'm fine like this, silently loving someone and laughing with them, I'm fine like this, not starting anything, keeping my thoughts where they are now. Safely tucked away, locked up tight with a key I threw into the sea. Somewhere in the corner of my mind, in the midst of the ruins. Somewhere there, where it glows.

My thoughts are my own... My own...

Rythian's alarm rings out throughout the room, as I turned to look at the human who was obviously awake but curling up into a ball like a pill bug. Then he sat up, his hair all messed up and he fumbled for his phone to shut it off. I laughed.

"Good morning Rythian." I said, and Rythian mumbled back a jumbled string of sleepy gibberish, and somehow rolled himself out of bed. Something told me that he was still doing things late into the night while I was asleep, and one didn't need to be a rocket scientist to know what it was. I got up, and made my way to the bathroom with an armful of clothes.

"I'm gonna take a shower. Take your time in waking up." I called, and shut the door behind me.

I started by scrutinising myself in the mirror. I stared into my own plain brown eyes. When I was younger Mom used to describe them with different words other than brown - Hazel, Chocolate, but in the end they are still what they are. Brown. Plain. Or at least, according to one of those Teen Comedy Movies, brown eyes were boring. And my eyes travelled to my hair. My hair was right about as straight as I was. They curled up at the ends and nothing ever made them un-curl. They aren't curly or anything to that effect, they were just ridiculously messy. My fringe was curling up because of my habit of never turning on the straightener. It was messy. I sighed and looked for a hair tie, then remembered I was going to take a shower.